No, nothing funny here…

Stop smiling... and hand over the latte

If you are among the people who I will encounter in person today, I’m asking you a favor: Please do not tell me that I look tired - or that I seem tired - or suggest that I sound a little tired… or infer that I must’ve been umm, busy last night, and whoop like I was at a party. (Uh, nope … no parties happening here or sleep either, but that’s my point.)

It started one day last week. I've been too tired to remember exactly when.

V2Trips said: You must be tired (mixed up letters on my text) Dad said: Honey, you sound tired. Joy said: Jolene, you’re being goofy. King says: You look tired. Random comment from stranger in locker room: You seem tired… but I’m not really sure what I did – or didn’t do – to warrant that, but I definitely checked for unnecessary toilet paper trails… if you know what I mean? (whew… nada). For the rest who need a clue: I AM TIRED!!! Hello people – that would be why I look like I haven’t slept for days. And another thing, if I don’t know you how can you tell that I’m not always like this, rather than just ‘seem’ to be? hmmm? I think it's good to have this outside input and observation; since I’m committed to being authentic these days I can admit that I don’t just “seem” tired or look tired, or simply sound tired … I am tired; therefore, I am quite proud that I am being entirely authentic with others and myself!! I love my espresso machine - think I'll make another latte. Bnnolkl;;phu][p9yuipp-0-0-0090o97645y6o] Oops, sorry about that! It’s impossible for you to notice the time lapse between that paragraph and this one … but I was so tired {no, I did not fall asleep on the keyboard}; I was using a Q-Tip to clean the top of the keys – I apparently am so tired that I cannot drink my very strong latte from a mug without spilling it on the keys (drinking problems)… I had to dab at the keys quickly before it began dripping in between them; my next blog begins how technology cannot run on espresso! Hummph.

BTW (there I go texting again, sorry - by the way).

I solved my drinking problem – Starbucks straws are the best!!! I had a point. OH yeah. My point is that. Um… I’m not getting enough sleep. Let’s see if I can help you understand why:

Between 4:15-4:30 am every day I have been awakened by a startling sound. Imagine for a minute the loud screeching sounds you may have heard when an espresso machine is steaming milk/froth for a mouth-watering latte… oh wait, but then feel shock and alarm when you realize it's about two inches from your head and you are were sound asleep [because you went to bed 3 hours ago after writing a blog]. I cannot sleep through the sound of an espresso maker – the thought that I may get some of the yummy nectar is enough to bring me to life… but this particular noise is no treat – it’s HORRIBLE.

The first morning I woke with a rush of adrenaline. Sleep walking to the window I observed a yard sprinkler spraying into a concrete wall from 4 inches away. Auughh. Just writing that sends quivers of frustration and sleep-deprived thoughts of what evil demise may come to the yard maintenance crew when I see them next. the culprit. That’s only part of my sleeplessness problem, for I am not the only one awakened by this horrifying noise! When I return to bed I discover the Octopraffe {octopus + giraffe} was awakened also and decided to sleep in my bed! Have I mentioned that this occupant – although somewhat larger than an average 8 year old, is definitely an active sleeper. His octopus-like behaviors combined with knees and elbows similar to a giraffe make sleeping in the same general space impossible [my bruises are proof]. The manager said yard maintenance crew won’t arrive until next week; she suggested I cover the sprinkler. Uggh.

Truth is, I was more concerned about encountering a sleeping Octopraffe in my bed again or I would not have braved the spider web infested landscape to trek back to the corner culprit to observe the problem. Ewww … yuck, blech … Now, it’s not a problem for me to kill spiders without a shoe, a guy, or tool for the job… but I truly hate – grrrr despise that feeling of the tickly, fine creepy, disgusting webbiness touching my skin! GROSSS!!! Last Friday.

However brave and ingenious I seemed at the time, that solution to the sprinkler problem didn’t work. It's still loud, obnoxious and keeping me awake from 4:20 am until my alarm rings. My situation is more desperate now. Both boys awaken cranky in the morning. I am so tired. Is it Monday yet?

Saturday. Things are desperate. Octopraffe is stealing sips of my latte. I'm too tired to stop him. Hoping it keeps him from being so cranky. Please make it stop!

Today is Sunday.

Two more days have passed. I am tired of being tired. Do they really need to water the plants daily at 4:22 am – don’t we live in one of the wet states? Don’t they know it rains here? Last night I finally convinced the Octopraffe that his bedroom was safe; the noise is just as loud in my room. =o] Yeaaa! No more bruises. Whaaahhh – still no sleep. I turned the sprinkler head around today. Hopefully this works. It’s possible I turned it toward the shrubs… but it’s black – I can’t really tell what I did. If I’m lucky it won’t spray the other wall. Guess I won’t know until 4:22 am. I am so tired. I think I am talking to myself now; I am so tired. I’m repeating myself too. Am I? Yes… you are. If you are among the people who I will encounter in person today, I’m asking you a favor: Please do not tell me that I look tired - just hand me a latte and smile!!!

This is so NOT funny! Stop smiling... and hand over the latte!!

HonuGirl