Words ...

What's your love language?

W O R D S  do it for me every time...

When I am not in a happy place in time or space my solution is to find a card from a friend or loved one (probably no difference) ...and re-read it.

However, if I'm away from home, I stop by a Walgreens or Riteaid maybe even Fred Meyer and walk down the card isle reading cards.  Perhaps I'm hoping to find a perfect card to give someone else, a perfect card I'd like to receive myself, but mostly reading a bunch of cards that just make me feel better.

Sometimes this can take a few minutes, sometimes a lot longer, but no matter how long it takes I always find a card that says "just the right thing" to lift my mood and carry me on to a greater moment of JOY!

[ Okay.  My Sweet-T says I must include the fact that it's not the perfect card, but nearly "ANY" card that makes me smile, giggle or Ahhhh.   In fact, to his credit he stood an extra 15 minutes at the store the other day while my boys and I read cards to "possibly" give to my brother for his 50th birthday.... yeah, we read them all and LAUGHed until we cried.   Hah, just so ya know they picked the best one... better than mine even -- but I digress ... ]

Really this works ... for me.   However, if Sweet-T is with me I show him cards I "would give him" and vice versa ... a new thing for him, but he's adapted to the pseudo receipt of the card and putting it back ... ( FYI  he's pretty awesome at picking the perfect cards!  tee hee ...  LOVE cup full  cha ching!)

I feel SO much better and can truly COPE with whatever comes my way.

~


I discovered the other day that this word-thing works for me "SECOND HAND."  

Example:

      The other day I was at my friend's house (aka my mother-in-law, but she was my friend first, so we decided to stick with that title) when I was offered the use her personal powder room upstairs since the downstairs facilities were occupied.   While washing my hands I saw a beautiful card on the counter with familiar handwriting (hey, it was already open, I was not snooping).

      I read it and nearly cried ... I felt so incredible about life, love and even, a certain level of emotional satisfaction.  My next thought was, "how silly: I'm the one who gave my friend this card -- how is it that I'm the one who feel so loved?"  Conclusion:   "I'm just weird."

     * then i saw a second card on the stair well shelf while heading downstairs ...  I felt doubly-special (which I think I just made-up, but it accurately describes how I feel.   hah!) *

      This same thing has happened more than once  ... reading a card I gave to someone else and having the incredible feeling of being well, ummm "loved?" ...  is there some self-love psychology in that???

~

ANYWAY....

       These experiences just reinforce the truth I've known for a long time -- my love cup is full when words fill my world.  A conversation, a card, a post-it love note, an email or facebook post.

I'm just simple that way.

~

So if I could I would say something really clever -- better even than a Hallmark card or American Greetings -- but for now, I shall rely on the best quote available:


  "Scatter JOY!"    ralph waldo emerson   

so stated again by my favorite card writer ... 

Happy Valentine's Day!

                       Honugirl 

           

        

UP, UP & aaaa….

whooahhh wait a second – no up, up … or awaaay? 

~

Auughhh …  sploooshhh, whoosh, and whirl into a horrible vortex of thoughts … spiraling downward with such momentum – unable to swim free from the mind-trap.  


Know what…?  I hate swimming; fear of drowning in deep water — very bad mo-jo.

Cold, dazed and confused… can I wake up now?  



~


Yep, that's pretty much the sad description of an hour (or two) of my life today. 

You see, usually when my mind wanders and thoughts endlessly flood my brain, they take me daydreaming or dream-playing or something much like a helium balloon floating up, up and away; with grace and poise {no water here} I’m delicately cloud hopping; drifting aimlessly into the blue skies and hot sunny days of summer.

~

“Usually” is the key word there …

Yet, conversely my bitter vortex of groossh ( gross outpouring of sh-ouldn’t says ) was so depressing and impulsive that I almost didn’t recognize myself. 

Now that, my friend, is startling in itself; need I say more?

~

What I learned, however, is just how important it is to wake up on the “right side” of a vortex mind-trap or it will ensnare you in the spiral of aimless swill!

~

Thank God for close co-workers, BfF, and my Sweet-T who reminded me it's better not to swim alone, Dory … 

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming"

HonuGirl

Got power ?

... many thanks to a few diagnostic friends and Sweet-T's extra power supply (stripped from an unused computer in the garage) ...

my computer LIVES again -- whoo hoo!

I'm so glad to have my computer in tact. Hmm, could it be that simple? I sometimes feel like my power supply is zapped -- are there extras anywhere for me? If only it were that easy... hah!

No worries though, I believe my technology is fully functional (monitor is still working). More than I can say for my eyes which feel rather scratchy right now.

Well -- I am ignoring my need for a new cell phone and headset. It's just gona have to wait a while.

=)

One big relief was that the school photo discs were ejected unscathed (since the drives locked down when my computer died, slight concern for photos disc noted).

Here they are -- Jason and Jeffrey 2009

YES, really, it's them. I keep testing their history to be sure they are mine; it seems only yesterday they were a mere 6 and 9. But, here before you is a 12 year old Jason (whose sometimes I'd say was preparing for college) and Jeffrey who is 9 (and seems much more like a teen than I'd expect). I'm glad it's just them as I'm not getting older -- I figure with age, it's a calendar and I'm turning the page.

=)

Some presents are wrapped and the tree's decorated.

The computer is humming a quiet, steady (sans clicking) tune. My brain however is in need of some sleep.

Thanks for being there for me my techie friends -- love ya!!

HonuGirl

What? – I need a ‘benchmark’ …

Do I have to have my eyes open?

"Now is when you set your benchmark!" She called out during the first 5 minutes of class. I cringed at the idea that I wouldn't know if I've set the right benchmark – it's my first time. Arggh.

Wait – that's actually closer to the end of the story. Better fill in the beginning and middle first.

*-*

I have this new friend – to protect her identity (while I thrash on our after-work 'date') I fondly refer to her here as my Get-Fit Girlfriend (GFG), which reflects her desire/energy toward fitness, not throwing fits (she's so sweet).

In our brief acquaintance stage, we had fun discovering how much we have in common, yet remain quite different; she's taller, younger, and has not yet experienced motherhood (but she does have a boyfriend, so – uhh just kiddin' – I won't touch that.)

I think she very bright (intelligent & cheerful), driven, and goal-oriented. Today I learned she "LOVES" to play with babies – me, not so much anymore. Oh, I know, I've had them – I'm just not inclined towards reliving the fully-dependent, coo-ing and/or the uh-oh where'd he go now (crawling) stage. But I did give in today with the blue eyed cutie pie in his Osh-Kosh engineer duds, quite flirty too.

*-*

Back to my point ~ since our fitness goals align; we decided to join efforts to "create" the time to get fit. We both know what our personal fit figure feels like – when we wear it – which admittedly that particular body-suit is somewhat elusive and our options from our closets grow smaller as time passes! (yikes)

So we now bring our workout bags to work so we can grab the occasional lunch hour fitness opportunity or an after work gym date! So far so good; today was one of those successful plans – 5pm, meet at the gym for 5:30 class!

No problem. Uhh, yeah.

We had our first glitch in the parking lot, when she announced… ummm, my bag is not in the car (kind boyfriend put wrong bag in car; being helpful, of course) – I only have a tank and shoes. Hmmmph.

No worries – your new friend is an indecisive pack rat and has enough "extras" to complete outfit – good thing you brought shoes, because we are not the same size! Whew! Problem solved.

All dressed and set… now get to class.

I am a newbie to this one… timidly, I walk to the back of the room, checking out the equipment with severe anxiety. How did I allow GFG to talk me into this? I should've suggested a different class. Ughh – heavy, sinking feelings ensue as I walk up to the stationary spinning machine – commonly known as a bike – but a fancy marketing idea to call it a "spinning" machine is rather appealing, compared to rump-busting, leg burning, pain-inducing cycle.

Guess that's just me being honest about the whole aversion to cycling. Yes, my friends, you see I have sworn off the real bicycle sport as in the past it did not treat me well… at least that's the way I "spin" the myriad of bad memories (and puns) from riding with FSU (former spousal unit).

*-*

Oohh-kaay... fine. Back to class.

It's all cool – for the first couple of minutes, spinning is easy. Then that whole… benchmark thing – what, why must I set a benchmark, I've never done this before. I don't get it. Hmm, just follow along it may make sense later (some things do).

Fast forward 10 minutes. Putting the past behind me (as well as a painful feeling).

And, I AM following -- at my own pace-- all commands …

"Gear Up" "Outta the Saddle" "Push it" "Another Minute" "Back to Saddle"

"Race it" "Gear down" "Benchmark" "Last Set"

(She repeats this pattern over & over for about 1 hour - and 15 more minutes, just because she has the microphone.)

Ugghh – gives new meaning to and keen awareness of the muscle group, including but not limited, to gluteus-rumpus (can't call it a maximus, not gona happen)—oww, my legs!! Course I may never walk normally again either.

Here are a few things I learned:

#3 – the floor is wood, stained purple. Which is really nice, because I thought that was God's way of ensuring me that I would survive to tell V2T that the floor was my FAVORITE color. I desperately wished to be walking on that lovely purple colored flooring, but no – still on the evil dreaded torture machine. Grrr!

#2 – people who ride these devices, S-W-E-A-T… oh my word – then again, that is a HUGE understatement. Oh, me? I had a serious glow about my person – no outward sign of over-exertion. lol

#1 – my benchmark I found, is that delightful space in time when I close my eyes and the urge to vomit is controlled by my subconscious mind and no longer the sole effort of my conscious mind, which is still "pushing it / gearing up / racing for 1^st in/out of the saddle all for another "minute".

Yes, I'm sure I put the past behind me now – at least I can't fall onto asphalt from here.

Suffice it to say, this was not a stellar performance on my part – but I might actually get on a real "bike" and not feel so anxious.

*-*

However, I'm sure I will have to keep my eyes open during an outdoor ride!

HonuGirl

Hello Sunshine!!!

WOWWW!!  How I love to see your smile!!

Is it true, are my  freshly painted toenails finally going to see the sunshine through my recently unboxed springy-summery sandals??  

Hah!   A couple days ago I nearly posted a blog about the weather ... but I thought I might jinx the weather report, but  {tee hee} the sun came out and I didn't have to post my disgust for yet another day of rain!!!

It's a very bright, cheery day for reasons far beyond the sun!   It's Friday!  I woke up at some unreasonable morning hour to put on workout gear and meet King G at the gym!!   

What a treat.   Of course it's hard to tell him how much I enjoyed the training he arranged this morning; because his computer is deleting all my messages as spam or average junk mail... WHHaat up with that King?   Anywho, I sure hope your people get that fixed soon.  I'm really not into losing connection with any more friends who I hold dear.  

Since you are reading my blog, you will get the update on how easy it was to wake up at that "much too early" hour this morning.   You know how it feels when the alarm is set for an early hour due to catching a flight for vacation... it's not as hard to wake up when you know you're going to that hot sandy beach somewhere fabulous and  "WARM" (did I already say this)?   

My ringtone played a fun little tune and my eyes popped wide open to the morning -- whoo hoo!!!   I'm going to the gym to meet King today -- I get to work out for an hour and a half!!  YEAAHH!

Never once did I think about the fact that I would be going to work afterward and there will be 8 hours of computer screen viewing, reading/proofing legal documents,  and communicating sensibly with co-workers or other peps out there...   uhhh, til now!!

Day is half over and I am remembering what it feels like to get less sleep than necessary.  

Which reminds me..  THANK YOU King G for showing up just for ME!!!   (I'm thinkin' you got less sleep than I did.  Hope you took a nap!)

Blessings to all and I hope you get to be in the sunshine.    I will feel it's warmth through the window while waiting for (leaning against) the copy machine.

HonuGirl

Purging and Replacing…

I've reluctantly accepted the fact that we are in the year 2009. 

 

Acceptance of this fact, however, leads me to accomplish the year-end task of purging my 2008 filing system (don't bother being impressed; it's brown, ugly and expandable); notice – I did not say I was organizing – that is a task for those not inflicted with "distractination".

 

Ultimately, my purging is an act of preparation for the inevitable deadline in April (but who's counting… yet?). Right; I'm done talking about that – it makes me squeamish.

 

Along with the physical there is the mental and emotional purging. As part of the purging of a passing year, I take time to purge my thoughts, my heart and emotions of things that may have become buried and now is a severe disorganized pile of anger, resentment or other such unhealthy clutter.

 

I think I am allowed to be happy about the news that my insides are not as cluttered as my desk or as disorganized as my house. I have a successful internal system for purging:

 

"Let go and let God."

Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.                         1 Peter 5:7

 

 

What a blessing it is to be heard. I love my friends (you are definitely included). Since friends are tangible beings, they are easier to accept as human but I believe they are God's angels who walk with us here. Truth is, God works through and has wisely placed "incredible" friends in my life.

It is with great joy and much gratitude that I say 2008 was a fabulous year of listening, sharing, knowing, loving, caring and giving my time, my life, my boys and my heart.

 

As I am purging the clutter I am fondly replacing the empty space with blessed memories, moments, words, and imprinting my heart with the expressions of my dearly loved friends!

 

May we spend more time with "angels"  in 2009!!

HonuGirl

CAUTION: random explosions ahead…

Confession:  I recently had a breakdown in my PMA (positive mental attitude). 

To be honest, it was a full-blown (pun intended) Hollywood-worthy, non-flammable explosion.  

You know what I mean right?  I’m sure you’ve noticed when several items (unlikely to be hazardous) randomly explode following the expected fueled pyrotechnics… it makes little to no sense that the non-flammables would immediately blow up (multiple times).   Yeah, right.

Anywho.  I just experienced this senseless, irritating to watch, certainly worse to participate in chain of events.

 

I allowed a week of “life’s inevitable changes” bring my attitude down low enough that the spark from hitting the bottom of the barrel lit a fuse that detonated (normally non-flammable) circumstances regarding icy stormy weather, Christmas shopping and time without kids and friends M.I.A. -- eww!   All I can say is that it was as worthy of attention as a predictable, pyrotechnic boring, over-priced B-movie.

 

Such erratic emotional behavior is unusual for my character, so (after sleeping most the morning away) I took it upon myself to investigate the script to determine where exactly I misinterpreted my role.  

 

I’ll save you the boring specifics and just skip to the trailer highlights…

 

It’s the first day of winter; therefore, all hopes of any warmth from that glowing thing in the sky is truly devoid of sense.  The weather is frightful and shopping is too – also not finished.  Kids are not here and seeing friends seems impossible due to weather – loneliness ensues. 

  

New translations of script:

            Take a hot shower; turn on all the lights inside the apartment – make a hot latte to warm up. 

Call friends who are also stuck at home – cheer them up and discuss what presents they have left to buy; determine what presents already purchased are ready for wrapping.  Laugh about buying same theme of gifts for nephews.

Agree to keep kids for a few hours while their Dad & GF go out to Christmas party – choose not to panic when kids don’t want to bake cookies here, but would rather wait and bake with Dad’s GF.  Rationalize that it’s because they want something new to do with that person – certainly isn’t about not wanting to bake at home with me.   (uhh, yeah – that’s the best I got on that one.)

Find a neighbor in apartment complex who (like me) is stuck at home.  Invite her with son over to bake cookies; turn on Christmas music… laugh about being mutual distractinators while losing track of ingredients and bake really flat, tasty snickerdoodles.

Find an old headset to use while talking with a Friend – slight snarky jabs enough to draw a smile, but not enough for blood.   Find website that says my office may be closed tomorrow.

Continue to wrap presents and realize that I spent the whole day without eating … do cookies count.  Ooops!

It also helps to receive a note from King G who is determined to share all the PMA he can muster to lift the spirits of this character who struggled with life’s scripted changes.   Thanks King, I'm feeling better already!

 

When life’s script is hazardous… loving friends detonate expressions of love and kindness to create random explosions of joy and gratitude.   Ka-boom!!!   Sh-bang!!!   “Pushaw!!”

Lights, camera, action... !!  

HonuGirl

Behold, I bring you good tidings of great  joy!

Mmraw!

Healing cats ~ photos courtesy of Sandy ~ CityFarmGirlz

Wish there were warm kitties here now, healing = good!

Suddenly suffering...

I was not prepared for this illness I caught.  

The week went by without one hint of such possible weekend demise.

Then came Friday:

There I was sitting at a Starbucks {drinking a Peppermint latte} waiting for a text from my girl-friend.  She was coming home from a business trip; her husband was driving her home from the airport.  I was meeting them at their house with fixings for dinner -- they were running late!  

Well, I guess I sort of had a hint while driving across town; I was talking with my little sister by phone on my way to dinner and complained about a tickle in my throat.  

I was fine --  just a weird tickle, which I thought sipping my favorite beverage would resolve.   

Augghhh -- beware of the throat tickle -- it's a wicked preamble to something so much worse.

Later that night, after dinner conversation with friends, my throat felt like sandpaper.

I had planned on staying overnight anyway... but I didn't feel like driving home either.  We all hoped the next day I'd feel better. 

Uhhh-huh.   

AND on Saturday morning...

I opened my scratchy eyes to a cat who was sharing my heat (Bella).  Shortly after, I realized the rest of my body was in a full-on refusal of pain-free movement.  Ouch.  Ohh, yeah... I ached from head to toe.   Ugghhh.  

Mid-morning... 

I finally managed to become vertical; I made my way to their kitchen. Unencumbered by the need for makeup a hair brush or toothpaste...  just searching for some hot liquid for my throat.

Oh what I'd give up  for a cup O' tea I exclaimed, dramatically --  entering the presence of my friends as I promptly took my place on the couch near the fireplace and pulling the quilt up to my neck.

Mr. P, a typically kind, adoring man-spouse was brave enough to comment on my not-particularly-healthy appearance (not exacty his words... but I'm not gona quote him).

I wasn't prepared with a nice reply; but a grunt and nod was the best I could offer.   He said he wasn't quite sure which hand, uhh... finger gesture he might get with his comment, but then again I pride myself in being unpredictable.

At noon...

My girly-friend, Sandy, fed me homemade soup and hot tea.  So I taught her how to create a blog...  yeah!  Hey, even sickly drugged and with daggers lodged in my throat I can use a computer.  Well, teach someone else how to share their thoughts on Blogger!!  

I was so tired I had to nap. 

Early evening...

I awoke with a cat snuggling against my backside.  Okay, she was trying to heal me Sandy predicted - cats do that - dont'cha know?!   Hmmm, they are particularly special cats.  I took my medicine Umcka, it's almost as good as sleeping with cats.

More computer stuff with girl-friend... I don't remember, exactly.  I hope she remember's how to login.  

We ate dinner; I just can't remember anything more than the fireplace and quilt and something about photos... she hadn't downloaded her camera (I stopped counting at 790). 

Since I had not an ounce of energy to drive, I stayed over again.  This time a fuzzy kitty (Tuffy) was there to tuck me in and stayed ALL night.   

It must have been the cats, as by morning I could function well enough for a shower, make-up; quite luckily my toothbrush and coffee actually tasted normal again.

However, doing so zapped nearly all my energy.   Yet, I managed to drive home; turn on the wall heater; grab a quilt and uhh... rest.  

Blog.  Rest more.  Introduce yet another friend, Tony, to blog.  Rest. Finally finish this post.

The weekend went by without my being cognitive of much -- other than friends, quilts and cats that heal -- quite suddenly a new week begins...  while two friends have someplace to blog!!

HonuGirl

UNCLE…. I give; seriously; enough!!

How do you know when too much of a good thing is just… too much! 

If I counted the number of movies watched this weekend, the bowls of popcorn and candy consumed… I would have to claim my status as completely CRAZY.

 

However, as I look around my place… I see a relatively clutter-free floor (yea, I have two boys – I'm not quite done with my Lego blog yet).

 

From here I see a newly introduced front entry unit with neatly placed boy belongings; shoes aligned just below, close to where they are supposed to be (hmmph)… organized storage bins with supplies, reading lists, library books, and teacher notes all prepared, signed sealed and back-packed for school. Whew!

Both boys are sleeping!

Since I can't see the kitchen counter, I won't even suggest that I haven't shined my sink or cleared the dishes from the last snack for boys.

But I know the laundry is caught up – including the blanket that needed washing after a bloody nose the other night.

 

The weekend was busy. Crazy busy.

Friday night Jeffrey had an overnight play date with his best friend. Jason and I stayed home together. We laid on the couch, in its hide-a-bed form, where we watched a movie with popcorn a number pieces of Halloween candy (only 3½ pounds left – yea!) and juice (usually not allowed after dinner).

What a cool kid. He said he'd massage my feet and my shoulders for me – uhhh, okay!

Hey, I'm never one to turn down a good thing especially if it comes with a movie, popcorn and candy – hurray!!

I kid you not; this boy has potential to make it as a professional LMT. He did exactly what he said. Massaged my feet -- guaranteed they would feel like marshmallows.

Turns out; he's quite good. He even reveals his moves; as he holds my foot showing just how he will... "press right here – feel that, it's a pressure point, Mom." AGHH… yes, matter-of-fact it IS a PRESSURE point thank you! Wow. Nice ok. A little less force on them there pressure points, kiddo. 

After just a little rest, it is hard work after all; more popcorn, candy and laughter over hilarious sense of humor – not to mention a very funny movie. My shoulders were next – his hands are small enough to actually get to the one spot under my right shoulder blade where I keep all the tension from typing in terribly non-ergonomic positions.

It was a painfully pleasant relief when finally he finished sharing those pressure points he'd skillfully learned from a fictional book of characters who taught massage (yes, research proved it to be truly from a book – how odd).

Oh… then I returned the massage for his neck and shoulders (feet – no way, too ticklish) and he talked about how he'd like to have a professional massage. And we agreed that I would call Cousin Allen to ask him for a 'kid massage' for Jason.

We stayed up a little later than usual for a Friday, but went to bed with our funny bones tickled, blood sugar that was certain to cause comatose sleep, relaxed neck shoulders and at least one set of tootsies that – as guaranteed – felt like marshmallows!

Saturday after Jeffrey came home; Jason's best friend came over for a play date. I took them all to a movie. We had pre-paid for tickets at school for the whole family… how exciting. Oh look, there's more… popcorn, soda, candy and another hysterically funny movie.

Jason was invited over to his best friend's for the night; leaving me and Jeffrey. I'll skip the part where I literally passed out from too much candy and popcorn… slept for two hours and finally recovered; just in time for yet another funny movie.

Ask me why too much of a good thing is just TOO MUCH?

Right after I tell you that I had a couple homemade lattes, I ate ice cream, caramel popcorn (Munch & Crunch or something – with peanuts – that's a protein right?). Okay, I'm realizing why I felt so sick… uggh!

Yes, this time I think I had a glass of wine or was that two?

Really cute movie – Kung Fu Panda – very funny. I got another foot massage – however, Jeffrey hasn't read the same book; so no pressure points. Definitely didn't want me to massage his feet or shoulders … he just wanted candy, ice cream and juice. Oh my gosh, have I lost my mind?

Well, I certainly wasn't making good parental choices while eating popcorn, ice cream, and candy all weekend; maybe it was the massage or the wine – nothing bad happens from lattes (didn't even keep me awake). Still am not sure what I was thinking.

 Falling into bed comatose afterward… yep, completely wiped out.

 

Huh, that explains why Jeffrey slept 12 hours!!

Story is that Jason only slept 1 hour over at his friend's house.

 

- - - -

Sunday is a really rough day at our place. I thought I wouldn't be able to piece together why a really good weekend went very bad. 

Turns out… you can OD on movies, massages, and munchies. Do not try this at home – it really isn't worth it. We were grumpy all day long! Grrrr!

HonuGirl

In memory …

A Missing Dash

I stood at the cemetery overlooking the flowers I'd just placed on their graves. The orchids I selected would have pleased her for sure – they were her favorite flower. For him, to be remembered at all would be a blessing – my presence alone would have wrought smiles.

 

For a moment I admired how nicely the grass had grown in to cover the unattractive dirt rectangle I remembered from my previous visits. It had been so hard to place the flowers in the holders, bending forward there was no mistaking the earthy odor of fresh dirt on the grave. I know it would have been offensive to her to see such an ugly brown patch untended through the winter months, and puddles of rain turned muddy during the spring showers… it was a bright, warm day and finally the grass had grown to a lush, dense green and had spread evenly across both their graves. She would have been pleased. After primping the flowers I stepped back to take in the contrast from the green of the grass to the multi-colored bouquets that now brightened the space where their headstones would be.

 

So much time had passed; yet the lacking marker was another reminder that even in death we cannot make others act on our priorities. I knew it was ordered… I had so hoped to have one more piece of evidence that their journey in life would be marked permanently in stone. The length, at least, is noted by the dash that holds the place between dates of birth and death. Alas, their journey was over, but no stone… no dash.

 

It was at that moment, after taking in the sights, smells, and sounds that suddenly my knees went weak, my eyes filled with tears, and attempts at speech were futile – oh, not for loss of words which were flowing rapidly in my mind, directly from my heart.

 

Tears poured uncontrollably as thoughts burst wildly through the peace that existed moments before. Suddenly, I wanted time back – to tell them how much I miss hearing their voices on the phone; to say how empty I felt without the hugs we always shared to greet each other. They certainly would understand how I longed for a few more hours on their couch sharing stories and awaiting words of wisdom or the witty quotes and jokes that always made me smile. I wished I could hear each say my name one more time – I truly miss the unique way it sounded when it left their lips. I had rarely stopped to think that one day I would no longer feel the same warmth or joy I had always experienced in their presence… to feel genuinely at home, deeply loved and always their own.

 

Although, genetically… I was not their own. They had many daughters by marriage, but their own sadly didn't survive; hers was an extremely short dash. Somehow, through many years I remained 'theirs' by more than mere association. It was through an unconditional love we couldn't sever and a soul connection that would shake me to my core when their lives were disrupted in any way.

 

It was then I actually prayed that I could speak with them, as I desperately wanted to express that our amazing soul connection did not dissipate when they left – it remained ever present in my heart – now shared with members of their family.

 

The tidal wave of tears finally subsided as the memories took their place to comfort the ache that had stolen my peace. The solace of truth was enough… their pain is gone, they remain eternally united, they have accompanied their own daughter, who waited a very long time to welcome them to their heavenly home. It was selfish of me to want them to stay.

 

So, in the loving, joyful voice they'd always known from me, I spoke my heart and departed with the same words I always said when I left them… "I love you!" Indeed, it is my consolation that those words were spoken often between us and that they were the last words they heard me say before they left this world.

 

God continues to restore my peace about the missing dash for my loved ones. Whenever I need, He reminds me that He loves them deeply, they have no cares now, He completes their stories, and that soul connection… it's His reminder to me that love has no boundaries!

 

Life is a journey we live the dash, never truly prepared for the pain of losing the ones we love or the immense empty space that exists without them. Live well, laugh often, and love always as if the dash ends with your parting words.

 

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you." Philippians 1:3 (KJV)

 

from the heart of an almost-sister, sort of daughter, and soul/friend connection for a lifetime…

 

HonuGirl