Anticipation, Perspiration, and Expiration

What’s the big deal?  

It happened at a basketball game yesterday. 

Jason’s team played exceptionally well – they won, in fact!!  Yeah! 

Well, I wish I could remember more to say – other than he played harder than ever before… it was sweet to watch him – at those moments when his coach and assistant coach (his dad) were verbally affirming him his eyes were darting over to ensure a couple of special people on the bench were listening and watching as well.

 

I think he was nervous.  Not really about the game – that was the perspiration part – he was putting practiced skills into play and it was all coming together.   He was a superstar!

No.  The big anticipation was the blind date type of meeting that was happening on the sidelines.

 

He had been anticipating his mom meeting someone special.   

 

I know you may think you know what I’m saying… but that’s not really what I’m saying.

 

When I arrived at the gym his little brother, Jeffrey was sitting on the bench.  It was he who would have the pleasure of introducing me to this special person.

 

The hello was gracious and very pleasant; followed by “I’ve heard many great things about you.”  “It’s nice to finally meet you.”  “We saved you a seat.”   

Of course it was mutual, as I had heard a lot of wonderful, encouraging things too  – as I smiled and greeted the woman my boys call “their second mom”.   Their dad’s girlfriend, Miss K.

 

I’ll wait a moment as you take the weight of that into consideration…

 

Hmm…

 

Yup…

 

Just a little bit longer before I move on….

 

 

Okay then…

 

That’s good enough. 

 

Are you still with me?  

 

Cool.   I’m thinkin’ it went quite well for a first introduction.  She had Fame with her:  a puppy-in-training (Guide Dogs for the Blind) who found Jeffrey to be absolutely it’s new best friend.  

 

Jeffrey with Fame and Jason’s game were good distractions for two women in what could have been an awkward hour of watching basketball together. 

 

Yes, all was nice and comfortable.  Until the distinctive difference was pointed out by Jeffrey – “Mom, you have no Nike stuff on”… 

pointing out that he alone had more than 6 ‘swooshes’ on his attire and well, Miss K of course (who is employed by Nike) was sufficiently covered from shirt to shoes.   I was happy to report that Jeffrey’s shirt alone had enough swooshes for two of us, if he were kind enough to share.   [ News flash – I only wear Nike type stuff when I work out – if my shoes don’t have a heel, I’m uhh  -- kinda’ at a loss for what that feels like… let’s just say I haven’t changed my ways yet. ]  

Lucky for me though, the topic of Nike's was quickly diverted back to the shoes on his feet.  It must be tough on a kid when two Mom-figures in his life point out that his Nike’s are desperately in need of replacement (holes ‘n rips are bad, right?); Nike shoes cannot look like trash when one of the two commenting works for Nike and the other has bought (& returned) new shoes that Kiddo refuses to wear because they are not Nike (well, Kiddo says they didn’t fit – but he reminded buyer so politely that it’s his Dad’s job to by shoes at Nike.  Ummm, no comment.)  

 

Speaking of shoes… and truthfully just needing to change subjects for a while.   I got a great deal on some shoes the other day.  No REALLY … I bought FOUR (yes, 4) pair.  

There’s Red, Brown, Navy and yes, another pair of black.  Tee Hee … it was so FUN!!   They are not the same style either… it was a good day!   First of all, they were on a great sale… but secondly I had a coupon and in the end, I paid less than the price of one pair for all four!!!   WOW – did I have a great time trying on my shoes with work clothes and jeans and … well, it’s just a thing I do…  shoes!   They can bring a smile to my face even after a slightly awkward morning talking about Nike’s.

 

Oh what can I say…

 

I can’t pretend, as I rather like Miss K.  She’s kind, caring, generous and yes, attractive too.  But the best thing is that we are in agreement for the kids’ stuff.   She looks at them adoringly (and treats them like gold).  Having no children of her own, she’s happy to spoil them with her affections and tickles and puppy-dog tails. 

 

Wherein my hope is that the woman who may one day be a permanent part of the boys life be a catalyst for change in their world – it is true at least for now; they will be exposed to world travel (a trip to Europe planned this summer with Miss K & their dad), Lego robotics (Christmas gifts), and an unending supply of Nike attire (sports-minded boys’ dream); and she made sure they were at church Sunday morning.

 

I can see why my boys are enamored by this lovely person. 

 

Upon boys arriving tonight -- it was my pleasure to observe that the old Nike’s had their moment of expiration along with a ratty old jacket, both replaced by Nike.  Ah-hem!  Not that Kiddo didn’t protest the new options… it’s just hard to refuse gifts from Miss K. 

How delightful is that?   

 

Perhaps we express our differences in style, travel, activities and men… but loving God, loving kids (and buying shoes) are all good things in terms of what it takes to be “like” Mom.

 

HonuGirl

Decisions, decisions...

What, not another one?? 

 

I have made a great number of decisions to arrive right here, right now.  Sitting at my age, in this chair, at this computer, with two kids (hopefully sleeping), as I write this blog...   about decisions.

 

Difficult or simple; successful or faulty – each decision has its own private path to present.

 

For instance being a mother consists of a gazillion + 1 decisions.  (Uhhh, starting with becoming one – but I’m not EVEN going there).   Who knew that being a mother would include psychology of the strangest kind, unrealistic curiosity about the simple things, creativity of the culinary kind, the patience of that Old Testament guy, Job {or a good dentist for repairing the ground down enamel on teeth from NOT speaking her mind when there’s so much to say, but nothing uplifting for offspring ears}… AND another thing … why isn’t there a test to prove that she can handle such things prior to making that first decision to ‘become’ a mother.    Huh???

 

 

My experience with avoiding decisions has proven that I don’t like making them.  But, I’ve also learned (from my vast experience in avoidance) that my lack of making a decision still creates a consequence… it’s the opposite of Nike’s “just do it”.  Also it’s the difference between making things happen and watching things happen.  There's always been SOMEone standing nearby who gladly makes the decisions when I hesitate; well, there used to be.  

 

In my lifetime, to say I’ve avoided making more decisions than I’ve made, would be sadly accurate.   

 

Yet.  In the past two years I have made so many decisions my head spins to recall even a few of the small ones – I'm too tired to think of the biggies.

 

 

Today, I made ONE.  A big one – today I started a new path.  

 

 

Okay, well I made more than one; some were less significant than others but still important.  It was a split second deicison made while driving to work:  I chose to skip the latte and drink tea... when I drove past Starbucks {since waiting in the line would make me late for work}. 

 Hmmm… not all decisions are so obvious.

  

This morning I answered a question at work presented by my manager (revisited from Friday) – as I gave him my affirmative answer I watched him step away with a delightful boyish grin.  Who knew?

 

His question:   “internal promotion?”   This means I agreed to take the opportunity to apply for a promotion to child support case manager when he opens the position to internal applicants only.   

 

It may seem obvious to some people that moving up the corporate (or State) ladder is a good move.  But I honestly needed time to think about whether I wanted more.  Yes, more money, but more responsibility, more phone calls, more influence, more opportunities, more … umm, DECISIONS (not more hours – same hours, to that I would easily answer, no!).  

 

 

That was what would hold up my answer.  Decisions.  Do I sell myself short and not apply because it’s more comfortable to avoid – rather than make – decisions.   Maybe this is that time in my life where all roads lead to create the person I was meant to be. 

 

I have always wanted to be a person of influence.  But when it comes to the first step… I teeter on the edge of the foothold and would rather stay uncomfortably on the edge than take that fearful step off to the possibilities of a successful outcome.

 

 

Not today. 

 

Today, along with at least 200 seemingly everyday decisions I made as a Mother (wait they are everyday things) I slid one foot off the edge and took a baby step forward.

 

Now if I can just move the other foot forward tomorrow I might actually enjoy a latte at work!

 

HonuGirl

Shoes glorious shoes...

This is me cheering myself up by              um ...          blogging about shoes.

 

Hey, it's better than retail therapy (which I'm willing to try if blogging this doesn't work).  

 

The other day I wore Navy shoes.  Not just any Navy, but the life-saving throw me something quick before I  . . . 

 - drown in the pool of hostile voices from clients who all want immediate response, instant results, and answers to their life's problems -    

  kind of Navy shoes.   

 

Oh my word!!!

This was at the crux of my overworked, undertrained, not-even-my-job, work day.  There I sat (with not one solution to any of the above life problems for clients), attempting to calm down the fifth or six-teenth (whose counting) demanding client, securing messages with use of interpreters (who were being verbally accosted along with me) and finally wrapping it up by hearing a client say: "I don't need YOUR attitude, Lady".                                                  (Of course not, yours is horrible enough for both of us!)

 

Mentally I am begging for immediate life support; an immersion rescue effort of any type from the evil thoughts and words I was forming as a comeback to her comment about "little-ole-me" with a what? oh yeah... "ATTITUDE, LAY-DEE" (it's best to get the full effect of her distain).

 

It was then that I ever so politely offered to assist her the best I could, pushed the HOLD button immediately... and took a DEEP breath!  

 

Upon receiving oxygen need-help-now I'm thinking,  hmm:  "what do I like most about this moment (a tangible thing is necessary, not just knowledge or feeling)?"   

 

A life-saving glance to my feet brings the best answer:  Check it out, I am wearing great shoes... these are incredibly beautiful shoes and I feel happy to own them.  

These Navy patent leather, peek-a-boo toe, (make me feel tall, my legs appear longer, and most assuredly, assists with the confidence that I have a vast number of answers to offer this particular client, just not the ones she wants right now) - such amazing shoes.    

 

Hey, did you know that shoes have names? 

  

These are  "rsvp Justine".   Kind of makes me feel like I have a date with destiny or someone to "rsvp" to ... who the heck is Justine anyway?  Well, it's a "j" name, I'll go with that for my alter-ego (with a different kind of attitude) for now.

 

 

Shoes make me sing!!   No, really.  I LOVE shoes!   That discussion of not needing so many different black shoes, falls on deaf ears with me... they each are necessary in their own right.

 

 

My boys crack up when I sing about shoes it's a cute little tune (get this... remember the movie Ice Age II ... the scene: vultures lurking, then they sing a song : "FOOD glorious FOOD...").   Okay now you get why my boys laugh at my quirky song about shoes.   What-ever, it works for me.

 

I am most happy wearing, buying, or simply modeling any number of shoes (heels required... uh Nike's ain't gona bring on a song for this chick.)

Hmmm.    Oh yeah... back to the office: 

As I released the HOLD button finalizing the forwarding of her call to someone else (perhaps with less attitude, but I doubt it) I thought of another thing that made me happy.   

 

It's an old saying, "You can't understand someone's experiences until you walk a mile in her shoes." 

 

FRANKLY, my dear, I'm not willing to trade.  

 

I'm truly grateful to not be walking in her shoes.  I willingly choose MY shoes every day. Inasmuch as I would feel totally justified in judging her attitude against mine I find myself taking the high road.   

Don't even think about touching my shoes !!!

HonuGirl

Purging and Replacing…

I've reluctantly accepted the fact that we are in the year 2009. 

 

Acceptance of this fact, however, leads me to accomplish the year-end task of purging my 2008 filing system (don't bother being impressed; it's brown, ugly and expandable); notice – I did not say I was organizing – that is a task for those not inflicted with "distractination".

 

Ultimately, my purging is an act of preparation for the inevitable deadline in April (but who's counting… yet?). Right; I'm done talking about that – it makes me squeamish.

 

Along with the physical there is the mental and emotional purging. As part of the purging of a passing year, I take time to purge my thoughts, my heart and emotions of things that may have become buried and now is a severe disorganized pile of anger, resentment or other such unhealthy clutter.

 

I think I am allowed to be happy about the news that my insides are not as cluttered as my desk or as disorganized as my house. I have a successful internal system for purging:

 

"Let go and let God."

Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.                         1 Peter 5:7

 

 

What a blessing it is to be heard. I love my friends (you are definitely included). Since friends are tangible beings, they are easier to accept as human but I believe they are God's angels who walk with us here. Truth is, God works through and has wisely placed "incredible" friends in my life.

It is with great joy and much gratitude that I say 2008 was a fabulous year of listening, sharing, knowing, loving, caring and giving my time, my life, my boys and my heart.

 

As I am purging the clutter I am fondly replacing the empty space with blessed memories, moments, words, and imprinting my heart with the expressions of my dearly loved friends!

 

May we spend more time with "angels"  in 2009!!

HonuGirl

January 1, 2009

Goodbye 2008 ... Hello 2009!

The boys and I stayed up past midnight to bring in the new year.  We didn't throw confetti or kiss strangers or sing ...

We said thanks to God for the things we enjoyed throughout the year.  

Remembered the highlights and thought of new goals to reach in 2009.

Happy New Year! 

Yes, I made them kiss me at midnight ...   but I'm no stranger!