Decisions, decisions...

What, not another one?? 

 

I have made a great number of decisions to arrive right here, right now.  Sitting at my age, in this chair, at this computer, with two kids (hopefully sleeping), as I write this blog...   about decisions.

 

Difficult or simple; successful or faulty – each decision has its own private path to present.

 

For instance being a mother consists of a gazillion + 1 decisions.  (Uhhh, starting with becoming one – but I’m not EVEN going there).   Who knew that being a mother would include psychology of the strangest kind, unrealistic curiosity about the simple things, creativity of the culinary kind, the patience of that Old Testament guy, Job {or a good dentist for repairing the ground down enamel on teeth from NOT speaking her mind when there’s so much to say, but nothing uplifting for offspring ears}… AND another thing … why isn’t there a test to prove that she can handle such things prior to making that first decision to ‘become’ a mother.    Huh???

 

 

My experience with avoiding decisions has proven that I don’t like making them.  But, I’ve also learned (from my vast experience in avoidance) that my lack of making a decision still creates a consequence… it’s the opposite of Nike’s “just do it”.  Also it’s the difference between making things happen and watching things happen.  There's always been SOMEone standing nearby who gladly makes the decisions when I hesitate; well, there used to be.  

 

In my lifetime, to say I’ve avoided making more decisions than I’ve made, would be sadly accurate.   

 

Yet.  In the past two years I have made so many decisions my head spins to recall even a few of the small ones – I'm too tired to think of the biggies.

 

 

Today, I made ONE.  A big one – today I started a new path.  

 

 

Okay, well I made more than one; some were less significant than others but still important.  It was a split second deicison made while driving to work:  I chose to skip the latte and drink tea... when I drove past Starbucks {since waiting in the line would make me late for work}. 

 Hmmm… not all decisions are so obvious.

  

This morning I answered a question at work presented by my manager (revisited from Friday) – as I gave him my affirmative answer I watched him step away with a delightful boyish grin.  Who knew?

 

His question:   “internal promotion?”   This means I agreed to take the opportunity to apply for a promotion to child support case manager when he opens the position to internal applicants only.   

 

It may seem obvious to some people that moving up the corporate (or State) ladder is a good move.  But I honestly needed time to think about whether I wanted more.  Yes, more money, but more responsibility, more phone calls, more influence, more opportunities, more … umm, DECISIONS (not more hours – same hours, to that I would easily answer, no!).  

 

 

That was what would hold up my answer.  Decisions.  Do I sell myself short and not apply because it’s more comfortable to avoid – rather than make – decisions.   Maybe this is that time in my life where all roads lead to create the person I was meant to be. 

 

I have always wanted to be a person of influence.  But when it comes to the first step… I teeter on the edge of the foothold and would rather stay uncomfortably on the edge than take that fearful step off to the possibilities of a successful outcome.

 

 

Not today. 

 

Today, along with at least 200 seemingly everyday decisions I made as a Mother (wait they are everyday things) I slid one foot off the edge and took a baby step forward.

 

Now if I can just move the other foot forward tomorrow I might actually enjoy a latte at work!

 

HonuGirl