personally, I think kids are hilarious!
People, in general, make me laugh ~ but besides my humorous friends (who generally tend to laugh at/with me), it’s mostly kids who crack me up!
My boys are 8 and 10 – they are at the top of my list. Today, that list is the “good” list, the one where everything they do is colorfully imaginative and sometimes… shocking!
Jeffrey, my youngest, is delightfully self-aware; he loves the color pink – he could wear his favorite pink shirt and camouflage shorts daily, except I insist on washing them; he knows his pet peeves #1- people who chew food near him (especially his brother), #2 - wearing socks with shoes (even worse when Mom insists), and #3 - people who sing with the radio “it’s annoying”... there are more but peeves are a whole different blog; this is the same boy who is simply unconcerned that he might miss the bus if he comes back for his ritual 3rd hug & kiss for Mom (maybe he’s a little higher on the OCD scale than the rest of us – but in the most charming way). He is delightfully witty and curious… very curious.
Jason, my eldest, is an intellectual, yet highly emotional (almost man sized) boy. He has faith in himself beyond that of any 10-year-old I know and truly believes he’s skilled enough to drive a car - if I’d let him; he’ sure if math was a sport – he’d be quite an athlete; he thinks he ‘almost’ knows everything (this is a scary thought), and he knows this for sure – God made him ‘special’, he’s just not sure what he is supposed to do about it yet. If it’s possible to be analytic and expressive simultaneously I would say Jason has mastered it. Perhaps explosively anal would be a bit harsh!! Don’t get the wrong impression… he is amazing with people of all ages. This guy can hold his own in an adult conversation and is adoringly compassionate, kind and nurturing with kids; when Jason plays in a group – he looks out for all smaller than he (wait, that’s just about everyone his age), and he appears to be the Leader of the free world in training. He can sell his ideas very well and no one cares if he follows through until it’s too late… hah!
Ahh, I feel so alive with the thoughts of how – uhhh… “exciting” and “joyful” the teenage years will be with my guys!! Woo hoo – throw your hands in the air friends, it’s gonna be a wild ride!!!
I love talking about my boys… I tell stories every morning while I’m working out with King G – that of course is not his given name… although as honorable and worthy as royalty - King is my partner at the gym (just a ‘few’ years my senior). I smile, as he knows in a RealAge test that’s a true statement … in physical years I’d be stretching the truth by a few decades (no offense). He is a hero/mentor to me, a great friend, and is my encourager-extraordinaire! It helps that he manages to endure (even enjoys) the up-to-the-minute reports of “the new Adventures in the life and times of Jolene & boys.”
Today is leg day… I was having a Dory moment while King was in the middle of his hamstring reps – which means I started blurting out a story about my kiddo in church. King somehow manages to keep counting his reps while listening politely to my story (told you he was my hero) I can’t even keep track when I’m focusing on each rep.
The story… during the sermon, Jeffrey said he wanted to ask me a question. I leaned over to ask Jeffrey if his question could wait until after service “not really, Mom.” Fine, so I gave him the 'go ahead' nod to whisper his question in my ear – this adorable innocent, long-haired, blue-eyed child leans close and says (none too softly):
“Mom, what’s a hooker?”
Well, speaking of not being about to count my reps… I couldn’t focus on the sermon either!!
The myriad of thoughts that just went through your mind upon reading his question – yeah, those were flying in and out of my mind so fast my head began to spin – Oh my WORD, did anyone else hear that? I used my typical tactic of distraction so my brain could continue researching every option, in order to offer the one answer that would produce the fewest follow-up questions.
My tactic was a quick response… “maybe I should answer this after church, Buddy”… to which he mirthlessly cocked his head to the side & rolled his eyes in a questionable way (ok then, that was a 'no' – as if to remind me… but YOU said I could ask it now – my bad).
However, the simplest move to not respond immediately gives my multi-million dollar brain a chance to work on THAT answer (come on, now. what? pull it together! there’s a question on the table here). Only a moment had passed, although it was a grueling disturbing one that left me wondering where did he hear THAT? And what did the preacher say that made it so pressing he had to know the answer right now? And besides, will I remember to ask him later to tell me more about it or will that bring up more questions? Then again, what TV show or movie did he watch while away for the weekend. Yikes!! Now time is of the essence ~ I gave my answer short, succinct, and boldly accurate.
King laughed at how such a simple answer brought no follow up question, but a non-responsive “okay - thanks, Mom.” Then my precious boy of eight pulls his T-shirt over his knees with his feet on the chair, turned forward again and listened to the rest of the sermon. Awwww – look he’s still small enough to get his knees into his shirt, he must be cold, isn’t he cute!! (another Dory moment.)
Ohh, were you waiting for the answer too? But you already know, right? “It’s a person who gets paid for sex – that’s not a good thing.” Do you suppose I could have given the “it’s an old ship which used hooks for fishing” definition? Ugghhh, one never knows whether that’s going to confuse him – can a ship be arrested, Mom? Usually I ask for the context within which it was heard or learned – but I was under pressure – GOD was listening!
I think I’m going to wrinkle prematurely from laughing at the crazy things I never knew I’d have to be an expert in when I became a MoM: Manager of Movement (also known to manage… Males, Moodiness, Mischief, Monologues, Mysteries, Munchies, Messiness, Muscles, Monsters, Madness, Music, and Magnificence… the list expands exponentially with age).
Tomorrow is our shoulder routine and step class – perhaps I should share with King why Jeffrey doesn’t want to get married?
