Switch back ...

what's with the "new look" updates.

I admit to being a serious online junkie in the past ...  but not so much lately.  Call it procrastination if you wish or delayed consciousness but "whatever" I can barely stand to stare at the screen.  Going insane...

I was reading at farmsuite and  katie's blogspots and realized that I should update the gang on life.  It was intended to happen on 11.11.11 -- but then again, not all wishes come true, right?

So here's the thing... I noticed that things have changed. It appears I was issued a blogstop rather than a blogspot!!   I'm not sure exactly sure where the complaint line begins, but I know it exists 

 {my son found this image -- thought it was perfect, LOL}.  

Ya know me well enough to know that I have plenty to say all right -- believe me, I could go on about the childish things I've observed recently in the "old enough to know better crowd" (I mean really...when they are older than I am, they outta know BETTER, right?).  But not so much, given the silent treatment I've been dealt -- however, I must say it allows for more time to get my work done (oops, did I imply that this was happening at the office ... hmmm, my bad.)

~

I've been unhappy with the facelifts on Gmail, Facebook, Blogger, and even the banks are remodeling their websites.  It hurts my eyes to watch the speed with which the changes, new looks, and upgrades are happening ... and did I mention, the site doesn't work any better after the changes (it's in fact harder to navigate).    I wanna switch back please! 

I get enough changes in the morning when I can't decide what to wear to work in the morning.   Which reminds me -- Sweet-T bought me brown boots.  I wouldn't say I'm picky, but it took me three years to find a pair that I liked immediately after putting them on.   =)   It was quite funny, I've never seen a man so happy to buy anything -- he actually caught me before I flipped them over (the price is usually on the bottom, right ladies?)  

T:   Hey now, don't EVEN look there... just put them in the cart and take 'em to the counter I'll buy 'em for ya now if you want them  -- you did say you like 'em, right?  

J:    Yes, they are perfect.  [turning them over to read the price]   well, maybe, but WOW -- isn't that a bit much?

T:    Not even going there...  it took you three years to find this pair divide the price by 3 if it makes you happy ... but I'm buying a pair you like!

J:     =)  aawww   [... lotsa mushy stuff  ...]  thank you!!    

Overheard later that week at a dinner party.   Guys comparing what they bought wives/girlfriends for birthdays.... (which sadly included a hair dryer and tires)  perfectly timed, my Sweet-T announces he bought me brown heeled boots (just because) ...  screeching friend says NO WAY !!! She's been looking for the perfect pair for THREE YEARS!!!    

~  Tee hee!!!!

Okay then...  I guess some changes are GOOD!    No switch backs here I'm happy.   REALLY HAPPY!!

     H o n u  g i r l                         

  

Cannot Compute...

seriously...

I'm borrowing a laptop for this post, which has generously been loaned to me by Sweet-T (many thanks).

~

A power outage did the big TKO countdown on my computer this weekend. Although, it was a peaceful 7 hours of candles, blankets, chinese take-out, and starbucks (yeah weird, but I couldn't make my latte in the morning -- it had to be done).

~

Learning that my monitor outlived my CPU - creepy, yet mildly humorous and a bit ironic, ya think?

~

Its late, I'm overwhelmed with what's still not done, yet clearly I'm cyber twiddling with my blog (also facebook and my email).

What's that all about anyway??

~

Is it addiction ~ insanity ~ avoidance ~ distraction ....

does anyone really know... or care?

Being optimistic -- let's just say that I cared enough about my blogger friends to spend a few minutes ignoring the chaos to let you know I'm ok!!

~

Well then -- check that off the list! Now I have to go panic about the rest (or sleep, yeah, that's another option).

HonuGirl

Busy-ness.

Its more than a state of mind – it’s a country all its own!!

At work I have been in training; full-time if you count 7 hours/day as such; this schedule will continue until July.  

To describe the new information as enlightening; well … I’d say it’s the difference between seeing the stars from the city or driving far from the street lights into the darkest part of the country field and turning off the headlights – then looking up and discovering what the night sky is all about – WOW!!!   Who knew there was such a vast amount of data, support and tools to perform my job!!

I love learning new things… I’m having fun investigating dead trails and finding a hint of new data which may lead another direction; best of all the adrenaline rush from updating case information and clearing alerts from my caseload!  =)   Woo hoo, found another one.

My trainer reminds me that I’m doing well for being the newest CSI on the block!   (Not that I chase criminals, but  “child support” is a great cause.) 

 

Technology allows my trainer to be 45 miles away with access to my screen and speaking to me by phone (long day wearing a headset); we discuss info on my computer screen while I logon to somewhere between 5-10 different security screens and verbally analyze, follow case leads, and narrative each case. 

So by the end of the day I am tired of viewing a glowing screen, speaking words, and typing yet one more password to gain access to yet another program; as much as my heart is blogging while I drive and sit by the pool to relax—I am barely able to recall those thoughts or to write something new, creative and/or slightly interesting.

 

Thus, if you’ve wondered why I’m still saying hello to the sunshine – well, I am still happy about that.  But, ultimately you’ve haven’t missed much if you noticed that I skipped the past two weeks.

 

International travel is exhausting and I hope to soon be leaving the country of Busy-ness and returning to my former state of simplicity with less baggage, presenting gifts of knowledge and gratitude.

 

HonuGirl

 

 

Whh... ???

There's a common theme to my blog thinking lately… 

WHY? 

Why is it that I can have an ongoing mental blog while driving in the car, taking a shower, waiting in the grocery line … and even while roaming the parking lot looking for my all-too popular style SUV . . . yet, when I sit down with fingers on the keyboard, I find myself staring vacantly at my light purple very blank screen. 

That noise you couldn't possibly have heard seconds ago was my mind expressing a high screeching sound … PFFFFPFPPFPFTTTppppppppppppppppfffffffffffffffffffffhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh pfpfttt … you know, like a balloon releasing air and flying about one's head.  Ever try catching a balloon as the air exits?   

 WHAT? 

What is up with that anyway? What gives? What is wrong with my blog thought retention gene? Hmmm.   What are you doing still reading this jumble of words?

WHO? 

Who said you could just sit there and laugh?  Feeling no sympathy?! Well, you're not being much help at all!  

It's not as though I am without material for blogging.  Oh, my life, my boys, my friends give me all kinds of great topics to blog; but I find it necessary to wait until the day is over to blog it all.  

However, by then I'm so wiped out from thinking at work, then catering to hungry boys after daycare, play time, home work review, shower time, reading time, night time routine to find stuff for back packs, notes for bus rides, money for lunch finally then comes bedtime (for them anyway).

WHEN? 

WHEN will I ever complete a blog without over editing or cramping my brain to remember what made it such a good topic to write about in the first place. Sheeshh!

When does a girl let go and just enjoy her new authenticity?  I'm not complaining -- I'm holding securely to all my happy smiles and the unique, funny way I see the world now, uncontrolled by a specific view (besides it wasn't my own and was rather limiting)… no regrets, no takebacks - no way!

I WONDER? 

Wondering if it's an electrical short from the keyboard that travels through my fingers, up my arms and all the way to my brainoidal blog memory – uhh, clearly there are voids or data would remain intact for future use. 

WHERE?

Where in the world do those mental blogs go when they flutter and fizzle out of my brain? You think they'd be kind enough to land on a piece of paper somewhere so I could retrieve them later, maybe let me scan them in so I don't have to worry about losing them through my finger tips. 

So the final question is:

HOW?

How in the heck am I going to recover the blog thought that disappeared as I sat down?

Great idea… I'll avoid it altogether and ramble on about next to nothing until I have vented a little frustration and can go to bed with a clear mind.

Hah! Nicely done, blog friend. 

That will work, until such time I'm in bed and poof…    that's right, I remember now! 

SUCH TORTURE!!!

 

HonuGirl

Wait . . . ok now!

I expected the shock that I blogged to take a second to connect with reality ~ that pause was for you!

Yes, there is a valid reason for not posting anything for a while ...

There are no pictures to prove it, but the neck brace clashes with most everything I wear.   And I'm not allowed to even think about wearing workout clothes.  

It hurts.  

Laughing ... hurts.

Like the funny comment I heard at work the other day "so that must be a pain in the butt"  {not really, but it sure is a pain in the neck}.

So, to the point quickly I will arrive as I only have so many pain free moments to sit at the computer and I use most of them during my 8 hour work day.

Long story short -- my boy (5'2-ish,  115 lb) Jason is ticklish.  When below him do not attempt to tickle him anywhere near his knees, as he will lose control and fall limply on your head/neck hyper-flexing it beyond it's natural curve {much like a whip lash - only backwards} which will leave you teary-eyed and dizzy on the floor.  All the while you are trying to make it seem that you are "fine, just fine" so he is not feeling guilty for nearly ripping your head from your neck and continue encouraging him ~ "love you, Buddy"... ouch.  "Yes, I'm fine or going to be ... I think??"

Interesting things have happened since then.  One curious thing is that the Legos get picked up every single day.  Seriously folks - this has "never" (not an exaggeration) EVER happened before.   The first moment of amazing Lego feats was the first night I wore my neck brace.

After my visit to the chiropractor, my young son, Jeffrey (guilt-free as he only ran at full speed and leapt into my lap before his brother took me down)...  worked diligently to surprise me with the toy-free clean bedroom floor; he proudly walked me in holding my hand saying "see Mom, now you can tuck us in without looking down at the floor" {which could not be done before -- well, I could look for it, but actually seeing the floor...  ohh colorful bricks were so distracting I'd forget what I was looking for.}

Let's see next was the night they took care of their night time routine (without direction), including clean teeth, journal and reading time and they were in bed awaiting tuck-in "on time".  As if this is not enough to immediately sit down and blog ...  wait, there's more.

Tonight, not only did I face the normal homework/dinner/life routine, but I was put on task as the parent responsible for getting Jason to his (unscheduled) basketball practice and somehow still find time/energy to make a dessert promised by boys for the food drive bake sale at work tomorrow.  

Uggh!    My pain was significantly high today.  If there were a little grimacing face indicative of pain level (like at the hospital or doctor's office) -- I would be scowling and whining to be sure it was clear to what extent my pain had increased.  grrr.

Here's what I know... Moms do everything they can do make other people's lives easier.  Hoping that one day those around her will learn that there is joy in doing for others {without being asked, that is}.  

So upon my kind of whiny, but still consultant sounding voice indicating how little time we had to accomplish all that needed to get done, Jason stepped into the kitchen and immediately began to plan dinner.   I'm still amazed myself, but totally blessed and grateful.  He took hamburger from the fridge, taco seasoning, found taco shells, cheese, lettuce and other fixings -- he asked for help with the pan/stove part and the de-greasing -- he cooked and served (even presented his brother options) and offered a perfect sounding "order up" as he slid the plates to the table.  Wow!!!  

It made less sense than ever that after such a lovely act of self-lessness and cooking for us... that I could still be so frustrated and exhausted.  My long-suffering was short-fused.  Jason could tell ~ he leaned in with a pucker and said "It's okay, you can kiss me now, Mom.  We kissed, and hugged."  

Even with such joy in his loving acts; at some point I just gave up and my matter-of-fact, tired sounding voice rang out that boys didn't need to help with baking ~ they could simply get ready for bed and leave the dishes, and everything else {honestly a glass of wine and silence was my hope}... but instead they kicked into gear.  

My sweet, incredible boys insisted on baking the dessert - cleaning out and refilling the dishwasher; they cleaned off the table and at some point when I wasn't looking they returned the Lego's to the bins or shelves to be found later.  

So, although I may be delayed in writing my blog about these things, now you can be sure that I am well cared for during my recovery. 

Oh, and next time I will remember to move quickly before the big kid lands!!    Yikes.

HonuGirl

My Post-its don’t rhyme…

There was a pink Post-it to remind me to blog;

… a second covered it with: "U need to JOG"

soon a third took over – "I love you!" it read.

…so priceless; he wrote it in permanent red.

Next, clearing my desk to locate a mouse or that pen

… I found this sweet Post-it with scribbles AND then…

I uncovered the second which was WAY overdue

… a sigh did escape as below Post-it two

 

I'd almost forgotten why I sat in this place

… it's a BLOG I must write and begin it post-haste!!

 

So tonight I deliver my Post-it Note blues

… it's all that I've got except for great shoes!!

 

 

Yikes!! Seriously blog friends, I need help.

[If you switch that around a bit it reads:

Blog Friends, I seriously need help. Yikes!]

Funny how true it is???

 

Dr. Seuss and I could never agree…

I mix it all up and toss it like Yahtzee!

So sorry – my mind won't release the rhyme

Uhhh, I'm going to go to bed now . . .

until   N E X T   t i m e!

I may be stuck by the snow...

but I have enough espresso and milk for a week...

(and flat cookies) 

  

 

what more do I need?

Except of course, some good company!!

Usually the elves are difficult to catch...

but I caught this one posing the other day -- perhaps a bit too cute to avoid the camera!

Mu-ah!!!

Although, I managed to venture out to get the mail (and take out recycling) today....

Drug myself through the snow, all bundled and warm... so worth it -- I had a card and a wonderfully warm gift too!  

Aww... thanks!

Proof to a friend that I've been reading!

Uh, truth is, I had a lot to say... it's just not ready to publish yet; fingers (& brain) are frozen... will type more later!   

HonuGirl

RIP

There is goes.   

The last day of the first week of snow uhh  w/o King ... um  of working full-time is over.    

Well, almost it's 11:55 pm Friday night.   Somehow it was suppose to be less stressful in the pre-play of this week.

I would have written more, but my fingers are frozen, my brain is fried, my feet are aching and my eyes are mere slits below my eyebrows...  a n d   I'm  lonely.

Oh yeah ... and I'm painfully aware that my body is MAD at me for missing workouts all week long!

Hmmmph!!

How's that for pessimism KL???

It's been a COLD, long week.   But all in all, it was good, I just can't remember why.

HonuGirl

Honu perspective...

Today was my first 8-hour day of full-time work.

Well, except that one day I worked after maternity leave 11 years ago...  and 15 years of full-time before that.  

By the way… I was required to work that one day following my maternity leave in order to give my resignation in person to my Manager; he wouldn’t accept it otherwise. Personally, I think he just wanted to see me smile when I said “Goodbye!” But back to the point.

Which was… ? Uhh… saying goodbye ... not really, but we’ll go with that since I’ve had to do that recently. Friday was extremely challenging. The morning brought much sadness after boot camp. Then my blog loss (which proved to be far more painful than frustrating as I previously blogged.) It ripped the heart right outta me. Honestly, I knew it was the only hour available to blog for the whole weekend (saving time for my boys) – shockingly it coincided with having something clever, creative and caring to say. So when it rudely disappeared (without saying goodbye), the fullness of words from my deep thoughts and aching expressive heart were suddenly… negative LOST! 

These are my honu in negative.

 

Not like my perspective… tssk!

{ Hey, it’s still (barely) Not Me Monday, right? }

In fact, it wasn’t me. Truth is... my boys (one of them anyway) took this photo. 

They both like surprising me with special photos on the camera.  This time I downloaded the camera card ~ voilà I found my beautifully honu expressed in negative view.

Hummph.  Ohh how I resembled my sweet honu. Downright grumpy. Sadly irritated. Uhh extremely agitated.

I'm better now though.  I think.   That reminds me, I was talking about my first day.   

As much as today was full of firsts: · first day of the work week

· first day of my new job

· first snow of the season (well, that began Sunday)

· first snow days - no school

· first day of boyz at Mapleleaf daycare (but their dad took ‘em instead, yeah.) Friday was the day of… lasts: · last day of boot camp · last day of work at old job · last day of being home when my boys get off the school bus · last day of the last week of workouts with King And on that day of “lasts” two very dear friends left town for the entire weekend . . . leaving me alone to weather the chill of this horrible storm (literally, there was a snow storm).

I don't like cold weather.

I don't like snow.

I don't like to feel cold.

This weekend started cold, became colder, and was the coldest when closing the chapter on many good things.

I like my new job. 

I miss King G and our workouts.

I like the people at work.

I miss my friend (a lot).

I like that my boys had fun in the snow.

I miss watching them (through the window... staying warm) 

I like that there's a kitchen at work; a hot water spigot.

I miss Starbucks around the corner [skip that, they are on every corner]

 I wish it was summer -- I miss the 80-90 degree weather!

   A whole new perspective.

HonuGirl

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

I have no words to express the frustration of losing a blog.

It's not humorous when words disappear from the screen.

I just poured out my heart here ... well, over there on that empty screen in MSWord.

~

I think I'll go to work and cry now.

I wrote it for King G ... for me ...  

okay ~  now I'm messing up my mascara.

gotta go.

Seriously ... the inside scoop

A friend loaned me this book.

I read the first chapter… before the weekend started; just like I promised. 

The first few chapters extracted tears, laughter, quizzical moments -- it felt surreal. 

Sure it’s cliché; yet, I feel my photo slowly being transposed with the word in the dictionary with each chapter I read. 

Seriously!  (That being my newest over-used adjective.)   

I can’t adequately describe the connection between the author and myself . . .  not so much on the outside such that anyone else can observe (at the very least, she’s a celebrity - hello!  And I am - uhh, NOT {drama queen, maybe}!) 

So, I ask, how can our lives been eerily the same yet, so drastically different?

Perhaps it’s the foggy scene where she’s climbing into my journal to extract my life philosphies, paralyzing insecurities & self-concepts, snaps up my quirky decision-making processes and plucks out an emotionally imbalanced idea or two… she tosses them together with a dose of her wry wit, celeb friends, a Golden Globe award or two, and ... ta-dah!!!   A hysterical, cheeky, tear-inducing book!  

The book?  Well, I’m not ready to divulge the title yet; seriously honestly… I was a little unnerved that I was reading a book written by ... a celebrity.   

That’s what’s weird, it’s NOT the typical book I read:

self-help "in-a-minute" book for moms leadership in business how-the-heck do I do this  parenting boys for the confused mom financial tips for dummies daily devotional for closet perfectionist  kids books (with da boyz) for school   organization tips for a distractinator  how to win friends - b'cause she needs 'em

This was a book loaned to me “just for fun”… because my friend knew I’d enjoy it!

Awww.  

Thank you VERY much my Friend!!   It means you know me well (maybe too well).  

Seriously though, this doesn't necessarily mean you’ll be instantly privy to the rest of my psychosis and the 'inside scoop'; Miss Celebrity is already getting royalties for the book written from my journal pages. 

 

Just kidding, I’ll have more unpublished, non-celebrity plagiarisms soon, uhh ... 

I meant blogs!  

HonuGirl

Starting over...

I am really quite done with feeling sick now. Ugghhh.

It's gone full circle. Today I feel as bad as I did the first day it hit me. 

I think that's a sign that it's over. That makes sense, eh?

Yet, I'm feeling

Let's see… how will I ever catch up on the days not able to blog.

Uh-huh. Right. I won't.

I will simply draw a line and start from here.

 

---

Jason's birthday was this week. We celebrated Wednesday as he was going to be with his Dad on Thursday. I had been really excited to give him his presents – one of which I bought on craigslist months ago (iPod Shuffle).  I could only hope that he would be happy.

I say that because his wish list indicated he wanted items more than 2x the budget I had available.  Isn't that always the case?  hmmm.

However, I watched his authentic expression of surprise, gratitude and love upon opening his gift. 

He then ran out the charge playing songs all day long (sharing the earphones with his brother – too kind).

There's more... he wrote me a thank you note. 

No! I did not request one (maybe years of training to write them for family; yes I admit to that)… however, I was simply blessed and amazed by the written gift of gratitude. It makes it was worth the labor pains 11 years ago – wait, I can thank him for that too… he was so anxious to arrive the labor was only 2½ hours and a then some pushes!!! =) 

Man I love that kid!

~

Alright what if I admit to being worried that I wouldn't meet his birthday "expectations" this week? 

Fearing that he would be unhappy? 

I already knew he was "lit up" over a gift he was allowed to select for himself (at the Lego store) purchased by another gift buyer … a budget higher than he was used to … I held back my anxiety in order to acknowledge his elation and joy that he would get the Lego set he wanted for his birthday. 

Perhaps my gift would pale in comparison; but I rejoiced with him and allowed him to show it to me online; talking about how great it is and how long it will take to assemble and we even watched a video of how the landing gear and wings move!!  

Oh my -- it is a fantabulous gift -- bet you can hardly wait for your birthday?

Later, when we sat together on the couch, he said something about being excited to get that present and to spend his birthday putting it together… "I wouldn't change my life here for anything. I love you, Mom."  Along with a sweet, gentle hug.

All my fears were gone.

I didn't remember how tired and sick I felt. (Or panicked when I realized he would need songs downloaded... so I stayed up until 1am to download his favorite playlist from my iTunes.)

I didn't bemoan the fact that he would not be with me for Thanksgiving/his birthday.

There was no person to out-give or birthday present more precious than that single moment in time – words can heal the soul.

Now if only I could wake up feeling healthy in the morning.

HonuGirl

Who needs upgrades?

Today, I compared myself to my computer; well, maybe it's a contrast really, but it's funny nonetheless. 

I know.  I'm weird that way... can't help that, just bear with me, I'm blogging.

Before now my computer and I were market competitive -- well, sort of.   

Not really or necesssarily that recently.    Whatever.

Let's just say a couple years ago I was not and the computer was.   I think somewhere along the way we traded places.  It became less marketable or uhh valuable; then certain circumstances and self-discovery changed that truth for me.

Prior to today I would say my memory was similar to my computer; available on the hard drive, but retrieval ... sketchy  at best.  However, a friend installed new RAM for my computer and now I have become the slower comodity while the computer speeds beyond my reasonable skills for recall.   Darn, sure wish it was that easy for me too.

Of course, my coughing hurts way more than computer software glitches... of that, I am quite certain.  I feel confident that my miserable headache, body pain, and congestion outweigh computer viruses any day; which is why computer technicians (or friends in my case) don't get paid as much as doctors.  We just can't live without them and love them dearly (really, I do).   

However, we both get to play games with the boys (maybe it's the other way around... hmmm).  Although, I'm sure I have more fun than the computer; since I'm also the one who tells the boys when to STOP playing with the computer... yeah, well that's probably an unfair comparison anyway.

What I do know is that we both could use an updated video card.  I'm constantly squinting to read and my computer is not quite sure it can suck enough power to do its job without further assistance.

Well, there you have it... in computer terms, I'm not gona move very fast on the craig'slist site, but on the other hand - I'm somewhat frustrating, mildly entertaining, yet useful and fun to watch compute. 

I would like to think I am the advanced model... since I get to leave the desk, don't sit long enough to get dusty, am not damaged by heat, can use water without freaking out (sort of), magnets don't adjust my memory,  and am not required to get upgrades for me to function well (although . . .   some are worth considering); AND most importantly I actually get to wear the shoes I shop for online!

Hah... try that computer!!   

Guess I do need to put in a request for that video upgrade soon -- I'm having trouble reaching the keyboard as I lean back to read...   yikes!   

HonuGirl