CAUTION: random explosions ahead…

Confession:  I recently had a breakdown in my PMA (positive mental attitude). 

To be honest, it was a full-blown (pun intended) Hollywood-worthy, non-flammable explosion.  

You know what I mean right?  I’m sure you’ve noticed when several items (unlikely to be hazardous) randomly explode following the expected fueled pyrotechnics… it makes little to no sense that the non-flammables would immediately blow up (multiple times).   Yeah, right.

Anywho.  I just experienced this senseless, irritating to watch, certainly worse to participate in chain of events.

 

I allowed a week of “life’s inevitable changes” bring my attitude down low enough that the spark from hitting the bottom of the barrel lit a fuse that detonated (normally non-flammable) circumstances regarding icy stormy weather, Christmas shopping and time without kids and friends M.I.A. -- eww!   All I can say is that it was as worthy of attention as a predictable, pyrotechnic boring, over-priced B-movie.

 

Such erratic emotional behavior is unusual for my character, so (after sleeping most the morning away) I took it upon myself to investigate the script to determine where exactly I misinterpreted my role.  

 

I’ll save you the boring specifics and just skip to the trailer highlights…

 

It’s the first day of winter; therefore, all hopes of any warmth from that glowing thing in the sky is truly devoid of sense.  The weather is frightful and shopping is too – also not finished.  Kids are not here and seeing friends seems impossible due to weather – loneliness ensues. 

  

New translations of script:

            Take a hot shower; turn on all the lights inside the apartment – make a hot latte to warm up. 

Call friends who are also stuck at home – cheer them up and discuss what presents they have left to buy; determine what presents already purchased are ready for wrapping.  Laugh about buying same theme of gifts for nephews.

Agree to keep kids for a few hours while their Dad & GF go out to Christmas party – choose not to panic when kids don’t want to bake cookies here, but would rather wait and bake with Dad’s GF.  Rationalize that it’s because they want something new to do with that person – certainly isn’t about not wanting to bake at home with me.   (uhh, yeah – that’s the best I got on that one.)

Find a neighbor in apartment complex who (like me) is stuck at home.  Invite her with son over to bake cookies; turn on Christmas music… laugh about being mutual distractinators while losing track of ingredients and bake really flat, tasty snickerdoodles.

Find an old headset to use while talking with a Friend – slight snarky jabs enough to draw a smile, but not enough for blood.   Find website that says my office may be closed tomorrow.

Continue to wrap presents and realize that I spent the whole day without eating … do cookies count.  Ooops!

It also helps to receive a note from King G who is determined to share all the PMA he can muster to lift the spirits of this character who struggled with life’s scripted changes.   Thanks King, I'm feeling better already!

 

When life’s script is hazardous… loving friends detonate expressions of love and kindness to create random explosions of joy and gratitude.   Ka-boom!!!   Sh-bang!!!   “Pushaw!!”

Lights, camera, action... !!  

HonuGirl

Behold, I bring you good tidings of great  joy!

Honu perspective...

Today was my first 8-hour day of full-time work.

Well, except that one day I worked after maternity leave 11 years ago...  and 15 years of full-time before that.  

By the way… I was required to work that one day following my maternity leave in order to give my resignation in person to my Manager; he wouldn’t accept it otherwise. Personally, I think he just wanted to see me smile when I said “Goodbye!” But back to the point.

Which was… ? Uhh… saying goodbye ... not really, but we’ll go with that since I’ve had to do that recently. Friday was extremely challenging. The morning brought much sadness after boot camp. Then my blog loss (which proved to be far more painful than frustrating as I previously blogged.) It ripped the heart right outta me. Honestly, I knew it was the only hour available to blog for the whole weekend (saving time for my boys) – shockingly it coincided with having something clever, creative and caring to say. So when it rudely disappeared (without saying goodbye), the fullness of words from my deep thoughts and aching expressive heart were suddenly… negative LOST! 

These are my honu in negative.

 

Not like my perspective… tssk!

{ Hey, it’s still (barely) Not Me Monday, right? }

In fact, it wasn’t me. Truth is... my boys (one of them anyway) took this photo. 

They both like surprising me with special photos on the camera.  This time I downloaded the camera card ~ voilà I found my beautifully honu expressed in negative view.

Hummph.  Ohh how I resembled my sweet honu. Downright grumpy. Sadly irritated. Uhh extremely agitated.

I'm better now though.  I think.   That reminds me, I was talking about my first day.   

As much as today was full of firsts: · first day of the work week

· first day of my new job

· first snow of the season (well, that began Sunday)

· first snow days - no school

· first day of boyz at Mapleleaf daycare (but their dad took ‘em instead, yeah.) Friday was the day of… lasts: · last day of boot camp · last day of work at old job · last day of being home when my boys get off the school bus · last day of the last week of workouts with King And on that day of “lasts” two very dear friends left town for the entire weekend . . . leaving me alone to weather the chill of this horrible storm (literally, there was a snow storm).

I don't like cold weather.

I don't like snow.

I don't like to feel cold.

This weekend started cold, became colder, and was the coldest when closing the chapter on many good things.

I like my new job. 

I miss King G and our workouts.

I like the people at work.

I miss my friend (a lot).

I like that my boys had fun in the snow.

I miss watching them (through the window... staying warm) 

I like that there's a kitchen at work; a hot water spigot.

I miss Starbucks around the corner [skip that, they are on every corner]

 I wish it was summer -- I miss the 80-90 degree weather!

   A whole new perspective.

HonuGirl

Storm's Over . . .

"The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" Did you experience the thunder storm this morning? I sure did. It was surprising. Incredibly loud. Frustrating too – I had to run to my car (with workout bag, purse, energy drink & keys) during a deluge. Frightening - as I worried a little when only a moment passed between each bolt of lightening and those thunderous roars. Yikes! Later, it was déjà vu. As that wasn’t the only storm of my day. Not too long after the morning storm passed – weather was no longer my concern. I was faced with a storm less threatening physically but certainly a storm of its own kind: emotions – aggravation, turmoil and words are the lightening, thunder and rain that poured only a few hours after my boys returned home. It’s not people or circumstance that determines this (or so I pray) but perhaps the idea that transition must occur on a regular basis; and no matter how long it’s been – they are children of structure. Space and time (and toys) are very important in their world. It happens every time in some way, some form.

A predictable storm. Often, I feel I am ill-equipped to cope… it may even take a while to process the what / why & how of managing the storms that arise. However, today I was not overwhelmed by the perceived power of the storm; I held my ground. In terms of parenting, I believe that I am not alone. I parent with the perfect trifecta of Heavenly Fatherhood for my boys. I claim the truth of God’s word for wisdom, strength, and grace. Framing what it means to love one another takes the terror from the sounds of thunder. Describing how precious each child is to God, to me – as each brother loves the other (as friends for life) soothes the fear that lightening may strike a painful blow. Sharing how to use words to love not to hurt quickly dries the rain of tears that reflect a wounded heart. (Not to mention the fact that I will not be producing any more … followed by 'that's obvious Mom'!)

It’s quiet here. There are no demands… my voice is confident, but quietly affirming… I suppress the need to lecture the boys… yet, they are acutely aware – in this home – I insist we speak truth. We review examples of mocking that were just witnessed – these are not truthful words. This needs to stop here, now. I spoke a prayer over their hearts, actions and words… may gratefulness fill their hearts, caring actions be expressed by their hands, and loving words flow freely from their mouths. Then we walked through what a “sincere” apology sounds like; how it feels to give and receive such apology. What a relief. The storm no longer threatens… we are at ease.

Afterward two boys must repair relationship ... they pretend to lovingly, sincerely apologize – we all laugh. It is well with my soul. Finally – my joyful, spirited, courageous, compassionate and incredible offspring are enjoying blue skies. Beaming with the sunshine of laughter, love, and joy they offer to help with laundry, dishes and vacuuming (probably hoping for last week’s allowance) – they work now as a team! What a lovely feeling of hope that remains after a storm has safely passed; the smell of first rain still lingers. The future’s so bright I just gotta wear shades!

HonuGirl