Got Milk or Coffee or ... ?

Shopping Hazards

I remembered this event from last summer – thought it would be fun to share.

One of the hazards of shopping for me is trying to remember where I parked my silver SUV. This is not a problem except in parking lots where there are a gazillion silver SUVs of varying brands that ALL look exactly like mine … that is, until I walk closer and realize mine is parked somewhere else. Sheesh!! 

I've decided it's easier to just bring the boys shopping, then I never have to remember anything:  they tell me where the car is; remind me that we're out of yogurt; suggest I buy more cheese; tell me the amount and type of lunch meat they will eat; and always think I'll fall for... "Mom, we remembered an item down this aisle -TOYS." Yeah, right.

Thus, goes the shopping… unless it happens to be a particular bright, brisk Sunday morning and I am shopping à la carte: No kids. No make-up. No hairstyle. No list . . . uh, no shower.

There are only two reasons I'm at the store prior to a shower and church clothes.

I need a latte, and I have no milk!

Oh no, I don't plan to buy a "three-dollar" drink. I'm just buying milk – to steam and pour into the most amazingly fresh hot double espresso liquid I brewed about 15 minutes before my shopping trip… exactly the amount of time it takes to realize I have no milk, don't care about no shower, and drive away from the shots of espresso, which now sit on the counter, patiently awaiting the steamed milk as a partner in perfection for my frugal latte indulgence. Mmmm.

 

Walking through the main entrance I shoot a glance toward the ATM – a line of people, on Sunday? Hmmm… could've killed two birds with one stone (remembering the deposit in my purse). I stop at the bank island anyway to fill out the deposit slip. No plans to wait in line as my surprisingly capable, yet caffeine-free brain tells me to "buy the milk first" hit the ATM on the way out. I take this advice.

 

Milk is at the back of the store. As I hear the sound of my feet, I look down to observe I'm wearing my blue flip flops – quick glance & clothing inventory makes me smile, as even in my haste the flip flops match the blue swoosh in my tank top. Continuing my personal critique I hope no one notices my workout shorts could be less wrinkled.

 

Passing the freezer section, I self-consciously fidget to zip up my sweatshirt; suddenly remembering I didn't take the time to dress in more than… umm peripherals; I carefully arrange the zipper well above my neckline.

 

Walking quickly to the rapid cadence of my thoughts: "just buy the milk, make a deposit, get out the door, coffee's waitin'." A strange external voice interrupts.

"Excuse me; hello?" "Wait a second. Miss… "

Curiously aware that I am being summoned (wonder if I dropped my deposit?); I stop walking, a bit suddenly it seems.

As I turn around, I am practically nose-to-chest with a broad shouldered, 6-foot-something man; whose chest is umm… uncomfortably close to my zipper. I back up out of his personal space, get a view his expression, and wait for a good reason for this pause in my attempt to complete my task while sincerely lacking a latte.

 

I'm now watching his eyes. Although I heard him saying "I don't normally do this; it seems so forward… but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful you are when as you walked in." "Would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?"

My response was a quick thank you for his pleasantly surprising compliment; and a polite decline to the coffee date (don't need caffeine that badly).

 

Now I felt queasy; caffeine deprivation aside… I was going to give myself another overall inventory check; but couldn't noticing this man had already done so (a few times over). Increasingly uncomfortable with his rapid moving eyes roaming my body top to bottom; so frequently now I imagined being on a roller coaster… must be why I'm queasy.

 

He is rather persistent … between the milk, ATM and exiting the store he approaches three times more. Odd, how certain he is that we'd have a fun time, etc. No, really… he put a slip of paper in my hand (with his name/number) and I quickly walked out hearing him say "don't throw it away." Huh?

Is it not safe for me to buy milk alone?? Right about now I'm thinkin' spending the $3.00 at a Starbucks down the street would've worked just fine.

Walking through the parking lot I glance around for my car, and potential stalker, hoping he doesn't drive one of the billion silver SUVs … yikes!!

HonuGirl

Seriously ... the inside scoop

A friend loaned me this book.

I read the first chapter… before the weekend started; just like I promised. 

The first few chapters extracted tears, laughter, quizzical moments -- it felt surreal. 

Sure it’s cliché; yet, I feel my photo slowly being transposed with the word in the dictionary with each chapter I read. 

Seriously!  (That being my newest over-used adjective.)   

I can’t adequately describe the connection between the author and myself . . .  not so much on the outside such that anyone else can observe (at the very least, she’s a celebrity - hello!  And I am - uhh, NOT {drama queen, maybe}!) 

So, I ask, how can our lives been eerily the same yet, so drastically different?

Perhaps it’s the foggy scene where she’s climbing into my journal to extract my life philosphies, paralyzing insecurities & self-concepts, snaps up my quirky decision-making processes and plucks out an emotionally imbalanced idea or two… she tosses them together with a dose of her wry wit, celeb friends, a Golden Globe award or two, and ... ta-dah!!!   A hysterical, cheeky, tear-inducing book!  

The book?  Well, I’m not ready to divulge the title yet; seriously honestly… I was a little unnerved that I was reading a book written by ... a celebrity.   

That’s what’s weird, it’s NOT the typical book I read:

self-help "in-a-minute" book for moms leadership in business how-the-heck do I do this  parenting boys for the confused mom financial tips for dummies daily devotional for closet perfectionist  kids books (with da boyz) for school   organization tips for a distractinator  how to win friends - b'cause she needs 'em

This was a book loaned to me “just for fun”… because my friend knew I’d enjoy it!

Awww.  

Thank you VERY much my Friend!!   It means you know me well (maybe too well).  

Seriously though, this doesn't necessarily mean you’ll be instantly privy to the rest of my psychosis and the 'inside scoop'; Miss Celebrity is already getting royalties for the book written from my journal pages. 

 

Just kidding, I’ll have more unpublished, non-celebrity plagiarisms soon, uhh ... 

I meant blogs!  

HonuGirl

Coincidence? By design...

I wrote an email few days ago... It was composed to an addressee whom I’ve never met. My email shared a brief story; I secretly hoped for a swift response. Perhaps a little information in return. I had bravely included my subtle query about a chance of our meeting and my phone number. Wednesday already; I checked email. No reply yet. ~ I gave the boys no options on church tonight. They were not so happy about that announcement! It would be their first time to a mid-week service at this church. I honestly can’t blame them for such hesitations – changing churches isn’t any easier for kids than grown ups. Well, at least as grown ups we understand why certain changes have to occur. Kids {mine anyway} are simply related to the reason for a change and now have to follow where they are led. This particular week I had made a commitment to go -- to church that is. I had a purpose and a plan; therefore, standing on principle I'm taking them to mid-week service. The drive to church tonight was shorter than on Sunday; less traffic, less frustration. That’s good – think of another positive. As I try to pretend I can’t hear them complaining in the back seat, I'm secretly praying God also is ignoring the ‘strong worded’ discussion the boys are having. Another stop sign, another intersection gives me a moment to pause; my thoughts are brief, but heavy. Am I parenting like a Sergeant today? I recall the evening events. A quick self-evaluation assures me that the answer to that is – NO! I didn’t scream, use profanity, or put them down; in fact, I didn’t even command them to go to church. Conversely, I simply stayed silent. I have learned that occasionally, if I wait long enough before speaking, a really wise statement forms, moves over my tongue and flies gracefully past my lips. Thus, when I heard their first arguments, I was quiet. I waited. Hmm. Nothing bright flashed across my brain. That brief silence was merely an opening for what I can only describe as a litany of rather skillfully, logical, well-articulated reasons why it would be “dumb” for them to go to church on a school night. Hmmm. plausibly I could only wait a or two moment longer without words. Oooh the numerous ‘not so wise’ things were making their way over my tongue toward the front of my mouth. When without warning I was startled by the sound of calm, pleasant confidence as I heard myself voice these words: “Well guys, when you’re 18 you’re welcome to decide where to drive yourself on a Wednesday night; until then, I handle the calendar; and my car will be leaving for church in 10 minutes.” Now, I realize (unsuccessfully ignoring the back seat commentators) they are rudely blaming "someone" for and discussing the details of how much unhappiness this event is bringing to their lives. I’m grateful this light is green and I can swiftly turn into the lot and park the car. ~ The walk into the building goes well - they are distracted by the Hot Wheels they brought (just in case). Each inquires as to whether classes are available or will he be ‘stuck’ sitting with me. As if that would be an option that brings me *joy* right now. Ugh. I pull it together as I am handed a flyer and pleasantly welcomed by a chipper greeter (clearly her kids are grown and she didn’t force anyone to join her tonight). I inquired about classes for the boys; to my chagrin, she shares that there are only middle school and high school classes tonight. Ohh no! No, no, no – this is not possible!! I am simply unable to believe such a thing. Will you please direct me to someone who knows for sure? I manage to temporarily maintain my resolve. Certain to not even make eye-contact with my boys. She steps away as I convince uh… remind myself that “all things work together for good.” Breathe! My migraine from earlier threatens and throbs at the base of my neck and behind my eyes. Grrrr. ~ Wait; what’s that I heard her say? who? My ears are now carefully tuning into her conversation with a tall, causally dressed, confident young guy. Did I hear her right? I step closer, proceeding to join their discussion. Nice. She is courteous and offers introductions. As I shake his hand I say my name, followed by… “I emailed you a couple days ago; these are my boys. I'm glad to meet you.” ~ Gratefully, I watch this guy, whom I've just met; engage the trust of my boys in seconds. *sigh* I breathe again. I hear him 5 feet ahead of me assuring them that tonight they will have a blast; then he guides them to the appropriate room. ~ Turns out… afterward the boys beg for this to be an every Wednesday night event – hmmm? No litany of dumb reasons for them to stay home comes to mind. So I agree they can add it to our calendar; I chuckle as I say… “but I’d better drive.” ~ There is no such thing as coincidence for me. Thank you very much! God designed this moment for my life. Peace reigns.

HonuGirl