Listen to the voice…

Do you ever realize after the point of no return that you should have listened to the sage advice of your inner voice?

 

You know the little voice that says 'take the long way' – even though the map program says there's a shorter, faster better way – where you will ultimately discover the traffic is deadlocked …

That tender voice that warns you a millisecond before you allow something snarky to escape and you find out as the words leave your lips why you should've left it alone…

Sometimes its kind enough to prove that consequences would have been far more effective if you had listened more and talked less…

Oohhh, THAT voice?

 

It was present this morning… while I drove talking on my cell phone (with headset of course) answering questions for my brother.

Yep. It was all good. I had no reservations during that conversation.

It wasn't until …

in that moment of truth when talking with someone else I expressed myself (contrary to my inner voice prodding)… yes, I simply blurted my opinion on what was said to me earlier. . .

 

I've struggled all day with the resultant aftermath . . . why doesn't that voice choose to simply scream LISTEN TO ME!!!!

 

Words are like toothpaste – quick & easy to squeeze out … but tough as heck to mush 'em back inside.

HonuGirl

Patience...

Popsicles or Polish?

I shuttered as I listened to yet another cry of impatience from my boy (pick one, either one they both resemble this remark)… hummmph. I paused for a moment. My mind shot off into its own little diatribe of “when??? What do you mean, WHEN???” Haven’t you noticed the things I do for you? … _________ [ insert here a reminder list of multitudes of mothering activities, nurturing, caretaking, bandaging, feeding, transporting, toy purchasing, housekeeping, and uhh the list goes on ad infinitum. ]. Yet you [dare] suggest that I am not doing something fast enough to accommodate your needs? grrr. =/ Thank God. That only occurred inside my head. Whew. The chance of my blurting out toxic waste passed safely without injury!! I know this because there is a distinct absence of that disgusting flavor of toenail polish from having stuck my purple-painted, toe ring adorned, foot into my noxious mouth – only to have to remove it later and reapply polish (and scrape my tongue … eww). However. The comments never left my subconscious mind. I mentally worked on the scenarios of “impatience” for some time. "How long until this goes away... it still hurts" – upon applying medicine and bandage to road rash (knee to calf) from Jeffrey’s bike incident. "Why can’t I have a popsicle now." [at 9:30 am] “Why did this happen? Why did that chain have to brake when I was riding?” – upon applying medicine and bandage on both scraped elbows after Jason flew over handlebars riding a friend’s bike. "It will take 8 weeks of allowance before I can buy [insert Lego set name here]; why can't you just get it for me now, then I'll pay you back" ~ It came to me rather abruptly while washing my hair. Dang suds; they must have cleansed the build up in my brain. Right there with wet hair my mind began an internal conversation. A mind is a wonderful thing – sometimes – pain in the butt at others! Mine began to replay some of my conversations with God. Of which, I’m too embarrassed to list many, but there is an uncanny resemblance to some from my kids. Hmmm. “Do I really have to feel such pain while healing?” “When will I get a break?” “I can’t wait until… “

“Seriously, need help here!!” I recognized that He could so easily respond with that “reminder list” of how I dare not notice His blessings ... yada yada. It could be: He might pointedly question how can you be so ungrateful for safety through the Red Sea of your life? Do you not appreciate the comfort I offered when you felt alone? Where is the gratitude for the gift of cherished friends who supported, loved, encouraged and shared so practically with you? Will you continue to ask me “when” I plan to bless you MORE?? ~ And with that – in His infinite wisdom and perfect timing – my Heavenly Father spoke silence to my impatience with impatience. ~ Alrighty then.

Hey, if you need me, I’ll be painting my toenails while the boys eat popsicles (after lunch).

HonuGirl

If you only knew …

“You’ll thank me for this later…”

    Yesterday was my garage sale. I say no more. You didn’t really believe that 'no more' stuff – hah! Whew. I’m tired. I’m glad it’s over. 

   Good things happen though - my piggy is a few bucks fuller (well 3 piggys) – my boys sold stuff too. It wasn’t the boys weekend at home, but they were allowed to come 'help' for a few hours (selling their stuff for $ = good)… then returned to their Dad’s to finish out the weekend. It was a mixed bag of “so-called fun” for the boys inasmuch as: they had boring waits, hard decisions to accept less $ for their stuff, distractions as they played with friends (whose mom’s weren’t even shopping – hello?), fighting with each other and friends, talking about their beach trip with ATV (show & tell w/bruises from sand dunes – ouch), fun counting the $$, facing things that didn’t go their way… and ohhh so much more.

The most challenging moments in a day are when my boys suffer! Well I'm not squeamish over physical pain that I can take (blood no problem for me)… yet, it wasn’t that, nor was it financial, this ughhh was HEART pain. Those moments of suffering where a parent can choose to take over … or just listen (trying desperately not to cry). Oh… don’t get me wrong – I am fully capable of pulling off one big BAD full-alert whirring helicopter rescue mission to protect, kiss, and FIX whatever ails them… but what would they learn?

Yeah, not so much; I figure it’s not as critical for them to know that Mom understands what to do, has the skill to accomplish it, and even has the internal, emotional strength/courage to carry out the task… that, unfortunately, needs to be a learned self-concept for each of my babies, uhh, boys to own for himself. It’s a blessed feeling. To believe in yourself – to know and to accept the truth about self: I am brave enough; I have what it takes; I am worthy of being heard; I will make a choice to walk with my head high; I can do this without being rescued… I am not alone, but at the same time a supportive, caring parent will encourage me to step up and swing at any pitch! (Not exactly what I had when I was a kid – but I commit to not steal any opportunity from my boys.) However. This also means that I can’t grab them by the shoulders and say:

I know it feels bad now, but you WILL thank me for this when you are a man!! Yes, really you will. I know, you hate me. =( again. Nevertheless if I step in to fix it for you – rescue you from this pain – you will not learn how to do it for yourself and you may hate me now AND later. So, while you may feel a twinge of anger and hate toward me for NOT taking on your challenge for you… I still commit to give you this gift now. In the hope that you will have a blessed future and you may thank me one day, when …

• you face your challenges head-on
• you are humble enough to say sorry
• you are complimented for being a good listener
• you think before you speak
• you reach for a hand to shake rather than clenching your fist to meet another’s chin
• you live your words in your actions
• you let God take care of retribution, as you choose forgiveness
• you know each action has a consequence and you have chosen well
• you have learned that love is sometimes as simple as being quiet when you desperately want to “fix it” for that special person in your life…

Then again, I won’t hold my breath right now for such gratitude – hmmm, maybe there’s hope that some ‘future-friend or spouse’ will hug me and say “thank you” for raising such a good man!! If only they knew. . . garage sales are not all about the $$ some things are free.

Storm's Over . . .

"The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" Did you experience the thunder storm this morning? I sure did. It was surprising. Incredibly loud. Frustrating too – I had to run to my car (with workout bag, purse, energy drink & keys) during a deluge. Frightening - as I worried a little when only a moment passed between each bolt of lightening and those thunderous roars. Yikes! Later, it was déjà vu. As that wasn’t the only storm of my day. Not too long after the morning storm passed – weather was no longer my concern. I was faced with a storm less threatening physically but certainly a storm of its own kind: emotions – aggravation, turmoil and words are the lightening, thunder and rain that poured only a few hours after my boys returned home. It’s not people or circumstance that determines this (or so I pray) but perhaps the idea that transition must occur on a regular basis; and no matter how long it’s been – they are children of structure. Space and time (and toys) are very important in their world. It happens every time in some way, some form.

A predictable storm. Often, I feel I am ill-equipped to cope… it may even take a while to process the what / why & how of managing the storms that arise. However, today I was not overwhelmed by the perceived power of the storm; I held my ground. In terms of parenting, I believe that I am not alone. I parent with the perfect trifecta of Heavenly Fatherhood for my boys. I claim the truth of God’s word for wisdom, strength, and grace. Framing what it means to love one another takes the terror from the sounds of thunder. Describing how precious each child is to God, to me – as each brother loves the other (as friends for life) soothes the fear that lightening may strike a painful blow. Sharing how to use words to love not to hurt quickly dries the rain of tears that reflect a wounded heart. (Not to mention the fact that I will not be producing any more … followed by 'that's obvious Mom'!)

It’s quiet here. There are no demands… my voice is confident, but quietly affirming… I suppress the need to lecture the boys… yet, they are acutely aware – in this home – I insist we speak truth. We review examples of mocking that were just witnessed – these are not truthful words. This needs to stop here, now. I spoke a prayer over their hearts, actions and words… may gratefulness fill their hearts, caring actions be expressed by their hands, and loving words flow freely from their mouths. Then we walked through what a “sincere” apology sounds like; how it feels to give and receive such apology. What a relief. The storm no longer threatens… we are at ease.

Afterward two boys must repair relationship ... they pretend to lovingly, sincerely apologize – we all laugh. It is well with my soul. Finally – my joyful, spirited, courageous, compassionate and incredible offspring are enjoying blue skies. Beaming with the sunshine of laughter, love, and joy they offer to help with laundry, dishes and vacuuming (probably hoping for last week’s allowance) – they work now as a team! What a lovely feeling of hope that remains after a storm has safely passed; the smell of first rain still lingers. The future’s so bright I just gotta wear shades!

HonuGirl

Kids are so darn cute, entertaining, & surprising...

It's just not fair - they get the best lines!

Jeffrey – 8½ years old (email to mom) I love [you] for a mom! I think you are fantastik. <private> Jason can be annoying. Do you want to know why I don’t want to get married, Mom? (after a new pool move) That put bubbles in places I didn’t know I had! Can I log onto the computer to show you stick figures on crack? (after walking-in on adults discussing sex-talks for their kids)… AWKWARD (the rolling eyes and walking backward out of the room - were priceless) Mom, I can’t sleep. I’m worried that someday I have to leave and I always want you to be with me. (after a witty comment from mom) Clever, very clever. Can I have a popsicle? (about 10 times a day) Mind if I have your latte for breakfast, Mom? Is this coffee mine? (drinking half my cup) nice, but could use a little sugar… no offense. (after I made a PB&J + honey) Thanks! I love you, Mom. I don’t want to die right now; but when I am in Heaven do you think I could live with Missy (“step dog” who had recently died). (parked at the gym; said while standing outside my car door awaiting to offer his hand to assist me out of the car) You know what’s embarrassing about standing here helping you out of the car? All these people can see that you are strong enough to get yourself out without my help. (to which his brother responded) That’s true, but it’s polite and shows respect.

Jason – 10¾ years old I can’t wait until I’m 12 – then I can babysit Jeffrey while you go grocery shopping without us. Oh, that makes more sense, I thought the anus was somewhere by the esophagus. Mom, if you take us to Baskin Robbins, I’ll pay for the second scoop. (while in pool with brother on back) Look at my new backpack Mom – I’m going to take it for a swim. (figuring out a new camera) Here Mom, let me see it, I’m really good with this stuff. (reviewing a book on adolescence) Let me read the Table of Contents – I think I’d be most interested in the chapter about Falling In Love. I did that once, but I feel differently now. It would be good to read about though. Mom, when do I have to give up my stuffed animals? They are all my friends and I just can't imagine falling asleep without them. (Now – my caveat for parents who are squeamish about THAT topic – time to divert your attention to a latte or glass of wine… you may need it) Mom, did you know that over 60% of teens starting college are already having sex? I just wondered if you knew that – I read it in Readers Digest. Don’t worry, Mom, I won’t have sex until I’m an adult. (promised question from an earlier blog) What other kinds of sex are there, Mom? I know about two… (followed by) When people have sex, how do they keep from making a baby?

Answers to all questions were provided; however, their exact content not revealed to protect the writer from undue ridicule and judgment of others... or uncontrollable laughter. You realize this is the PG13 version?!!

HonuGirl

Age is of no consequence to me on this, but …

personally, I think kids are hilarious! People, in general, make me laugh ~ but besides my humorous friends (who generally tend to laugh at/with me), it’s mostly kids who crack me up! My boys are 8 and 10 – they are at the top of my list. Today, that list is the “good” list, the one where everything they do is colorfully imaginative and sometimes… shocking! Jeffrey, my youngest, is delightfully self-aware; he loves the color pink – he could wear his favorite pink shirt and camouflage shorts daily, except I insist on washing them; he knows his pet peeves #1- people who chew food near him (especially his brother), #2 - wearing socks with shoes (even worse when Mom insists), and #3 - people who sing with the radio “it’s annoying”... there are more but peeves are a whole different blog; this is the same boy who is simply unconcerned that he might miss the bus if he comes back for his ritual 3rd hug & kiss for Mom (maybe he’s a little higher on the OCD scale than the rest of us – but in the most charming way). He is delightfully witty and curious… very curious.

Jason, my eldest, is an intellectual, yet highly emotional (almost man sized) boy. He has faith in himself beyond that of any 10-year-old I know and truly believes he’s skilled enough to drive a car - if I’d let him; he’ sure if math was a sport – he’d be quite an athlete; he thinks he ‘almost’ knows everything (this is a scary thought), and he knows this for sure – God made him ‘special’, he’s just not sure what he is supposed to do about it yet. If it’s possible to be analytic and expressive simultaneously I would say Jason has mastered it. Perhaps explosively anal would be a bit harsh!! Don’t get the wrong impression… he is amazing with people of all ages. This guy can hold his own in an adult conversation and is adoringly compassionate, kind and nurturing with kids; when Jason plays in a group – he looks out for all smaller than he (wait, that’s just about everyone his age), and he appears to be the Leader of the free world in training. He can sell his ideas very well and no one cares if he follows through until it’s too late… hah!

Ahh, I feel so alive with the thoughts of how – uhhh… “exciting” and “joyful” the teenage years will be with my guys!! Woo hoo – throw your hands in the air friends, it’s gonna be a wild ride!!! I love talking about my boys… I tell stories every morning while I’m working out with King G – that of course is not his given name… although as honorable and worthy as royalty - King is my partner at the gym (just a ‘few’ years my senior). I smile, as he knows in a RealAge test that’s a true statement … in physical years I’d be stretching the truth by a few decades (no offense). He is a hero/mentor to me, a great friend, and is my encourager-extraordinaire! It helps that he manages to endure (even enjoys) the up-to-the-minute reports of “the new Adventures in the life and times of Jolene & boys.” Today is leg day… I was having a Dory moment while King was in the middle of his hamstring reps – which means I started blurting out a story about my kiddo in church. King somehow manages to keep counting his reps while listening politely to my story (told you he was my hero) I can’t even keep track when I’m focusing on each rep. The story… during the sermon, Jeffrey said he wanted to ask me a question. I leaned over to ask Jeffrey if his question could wait until after service “not really, Mom.” Fine, so I gave him the 'go ahead' nod to whisper his question in my ear – this adorable innocent, long-haired, blue-eyed child leans close and says (none too softly):

“Mom, what’s a hooker?”

Well, speaking of not being about to count my reps… I couldn’t focus on the sermon either!! The myriad of thoughts that just went through your mind upon reading his question – yeah, those were flying in and out of my mind so fast my head began to spin – Oh my WORD, did anyone else hear that? I used my typical tactic of distraction so my brain could continue researching every option, in order to offer the one answer that would produce the fewest follow-up questions. My tactic was a quick response… “maybe I should answer this after church, Buddy”… to which he mirthlessly cocked his head to the side & rolled his eyes in a questionable way (ok then, that was a 'no' – as if to remind me… but YOU said I could ask it now – my bad). However, the simplest move to not respond immediately gives my multi-million dollar brain a chance to work on THAT answer (come on, now. what? pull it together! there’s a question on the table here). Only a moment had passed, although it was a grueling disturbing one that left me wondering where did he hear THAT? And what did the preacher say that made it so pressing he had to know the answer right now? And besides, will I remember to ask him later to tell me more about it or will that bring up more questions? Then again, what TV show or movie did he watch while away for the weekend. Yikes!! Now time is of the essence ~ I gave my answer short, succinct, and boldly accurate. King laughed at how such a simple answer brought no follow up question, but a non-responsive “okay - thanks, Mom.” Then my precious boy of eight pulls his T-shirt over his knees with his feet on the chair, turned forward again and listened to the rest of the sermon. Awwww – look he’s still small enough to get his knees into his shirt, he must be cold, isn’t he cute!! (another Dory moment.)

Ohh, were you waiting for the answer too? But you already know, right? “It’s a person who gets paid for sex – that’s not a good thing.” Do you suppose I could have given the “it’s an old ship which used hooks for fishing” definition? Ugghhh, one never knows whether that’s going to confuse him – can a ship be arrested, Mom? Usually I ask for the context within which it was heard or learned – but I was under pressure – GOD was listening! I think I’m going to wrinkle prematurely from laughing at the crazy things I never knew I’d have to be an expert in when I became a MoM: Manager of Movement (also known to manage… Males, Moodiness, Mischief, Monologues, Mysteries, Munchies, Messiness, Muscles, Monsters, Madness, Music, and Magnificence… the list expands exponentially with age). Tomorrow is our shoulder routine and step class – perhaps I should share with King why Jeffrey doesn’t want to get married?

awakened to life

Authentically speaking... SHE SAID: “I think people should just be authentic.” I HEARD: “Why aren’t you being authentic with me?” Aughhh! Is it a psychological mind game I play on myself? Perhaps. But in this case it was the catalyst for my journey to authenticity. THEN: “She was FSU's (former spousal unit's) friend, to whom I couldn’t compare.” NOW: “She is a close, personal friend of mine, with whom I share, not compare.” That moment was a couple years back. I have learned many lessons about me since then. Whew, it’s a good thing too. The day I stop needing to learn, change, and grow… I’ll have one foot in the grave and the other tapping to the beat of the Country song -- "Gone". Some lessons were good from beginning to end; others, not so much. But I am most grateful that I have learned how life can be more interesting when you're awake to experience it -- authentically. More explanation of the journey would take me so far off the beaten path… it would be a stretch to tie it back here (translated ... in my current need-for-sleep condition I'm unable to stay focused). Not to worry – I will address it when I have much more time to commit to that kind of rambling.

HonuGirl